How to stop worrying about others and focus on yourself is a topic we often talk about. But it’s not easy to completely change your inherent way of thinking. After all, it’s our nature to help others, to be considerate of others, and to get recognition from others. It’s against years of evolutionary training and social upbringing to stop worrying about others.
There are similar problems like these-
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-shows that many people are concerned about this issue.
Why should we worry about others? Why do you care what other people think?
There are many reasons why we worry about others, but I’ll start with the most basic: biology.
Initially, we humans were set to seek recognition, identity and integration into our tribes. It’s a survival instinct. Human beings are social animals. We hunt and live together for survival. So in our cave age, it’s important to be consistent with the tribe, because if the tribe refuses you, you will be thrown into the wild to face the nature, and soon you will die.
But as our society becomes more and more complex, our tribes become bigger and bigger, and we have better communication skills so that we can change tribes relatively safely, it becomes a question of pride, self-esteem and social recognition. It’s no longer about avoiding death, it’s about getting a better way of life.
The more popular we are, the more likely we are to succeed, because in this way, people will be more willing to help us on our journey. Both positive and negative popularity apply here, that is, you can motivate yourself through fear or kindness, because the results are the same.
So how to stop worrying about others and focus on yourself? Since it is deeply rooted, how can we stop it?
We can do it and we can do it without being mentally ill, but we can’t stop it in just one day. It’s not a decision. Stop and poop, we don’t care anymore. It’s not just a “Oh, forget it” step, it’s a process of re planning your thinking.
To stop caring about what others think of you, you need to face your inner demons, regain control of your subconscious thoughts, see who you are, and learn some important experiences.
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How to stop worrying about others and focus on yourself
1. Stop worrying about others and focus on yourself: Others’ opinions on you are a reflection of them, not to you
We all see the world through our own perspectives and perceptions. Have you ever heard the saying: “people usually hate others as much as they hate themselves.”
For example, if you want to make a negative comment on someone, because they like to lie and tell exaggerated stories. This kind of judgment reflects that you don’t like to tell lies, not storytellers. It’s easy for others to think of the story as interesting. You just look at it negatively from your own point of view.
Again, this is a reversal. If someone doesn’t like you because of your quality, it’s just a reflection of themselves. For example, if someone denies you because you like to buy expensive watches. It reflects their mindset and values, not yours.
When people judge you negatively, they talk more about themselves than you. In most cases, it’s not even about you, it’s about shifting aggressiveness from another area of their lives, and you happen to be an outlet.
2. Stop worrying about others and focus on yourself: You can’t please everyone
The more popular we are, the more secure we feel in society. Our fear of rejection is an evolutionary trait, because being rejected by a tribe means being expelled and dying at the hands of nature and lions. But since then, we have evolved for a long time, and each generation has become more and more complex. Human beings are so diverse that it is impossible to satisfy everyone.
Take Beyonce as an example. People like Beyonce, but not everyone. It’s not because of what Beyonce did, or what she didn’t do, but because she’s not their type, it doesn’t matter. So don’t try to please everyone, because what you can’t do leads to the next section.
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3. Stop worrying about others and focus on yourself: Be yourself
Since it doesn’t matter what people think of you, because it reflects their thoughts, not your own, and you can’t please everyone, you might as well be yourself.
We often hear the phrase “be real” recently. If you can’t please or impress anyone, then your true self is the person you want to be. Your true self is the one who speaks the truth, not the one who fabricates the truth for peace keeping, and what you say is what you really think and believe. Your true self is the person you avoid the world, because you are very afraid that they will refuse you.
If you embrace your true self, every day, people will reject you and dislike you. But people will love you, maybe new and different people, but they will love you, and most importantly, you will love yourself more because you will live in your truth.
4. Stop worrying about others and focus on yourself: Will people notice you?
People are selfish, we spend a lot of time worrying about others, but most of the time, they think about something, forget it, and then go on. They hardly noticed why they thought that, let alone the little judgment they had just made.
Most people are made up of ideas that have been inculcated by people they respect since childhood, their parents, teachers, cool kids in school. Take a moment to think that you are the most important person in your life, not them.
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5. Stop worrying about others and focus on yourself: Listen to your judgment
I think one of the main reasons why we care so much about what others think of us is that we are surrounded by negative media, always objectifying and criticizing everything and anyone. Nothing is immune from the ruthlessness of the media.
Therefore, we are set up to make similar judgments, because this is the main input of information in our lives. We want to follow the trend. Nothing is more in line with the requirements of society than the news media.
Because we make these mean and cruel internal judgments about people, we assume that other people are doing the same thing, and as a result, we all compare each other to impossible standards. We feel miserable, frustrated and worthless because we think everyone thinks we are not good enough, but the problem actually starts with us.
We also think of other people’s ideas. In order to start the process of change, you have to stop judging others unnecessarily. Their bodies, their choices, their fashion accessories.
Be responsible for your inner conversation. When you have a set negative comment, such as “Oh, that person is too fat, they should go to the gym”, you have to correct yourself, because…
6. Stop worrying about others and focus on yourself: It’s none of your business!
You see the world through your own perception, but your perception is not truth. They are your truth, but not everyone’s. You can see a curvy person on the street, but that doesn’t mean they don’t go to the gym. This judgment may reflect your insecurity about your lack of time at the gym.
Humans are curious, I dare say, nosy. We are nosy, but we need to put our nose on our own affairs and sort out our own mentality, instead of happily intervening in other people’s affairs and telling them to live like ourselves.
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7. Stop worrying about others and focus on yourself: This is your life, your life!
No one has experienced what you have experienced, no one has seen what you have seen. You can’t compare with anyone, so don’t compare yourself with others.
If you find yourself thinking, “Oh, this person is better than me, or this person is more painful than me, so I should be someone else.” But you don’t have to do anything. No one can compare with you except yourself. When you find yourself comparing, remind yourself not to.
8. Stop worrying about others and focus on yourself: Reshape your brain and think positively
We all over think because it’s easier to think negatively than positively. When you start over thinking and imagining the worst, start controlling yourself.
I know you think you’re protecting yourself from being cheated, but it doesn’t help anyone, because to be honest, most of the time it doesn’t even happen. You just sit there and torture yourself.
If you think something is really wrong, you will understand it in your heart; If your intuition tells you to deal with it right away, don’t sit down and think too much. Deal with it.
9. Stop worrying about others and focus on yourself: Focus on your needs
By removing all the inner negativity, you have the opportunity to start focusing on your needs – who you are, what you need, your true self.
Begin to focus on your needs and regain control of your life. It’s not your fault to live to please others. We’ve always wanted to please our parents since we were young, so we got something in return. Pleasing others will give you rewards, such as love, praise, toys and food.
But now, it’s time to focus on the rewards you want from life. You can’t find them in other people. You have to give yourself love, praise yourself, buy yourself good things, feed yourself good food. We always want to be taken care of because it’s safe, but now it’s time to take care of ourselves. I promise you, once you get used to it, you’ll feel safer.
Start by focusing on what you need in your life. It means not only what you need emotionally, but also what you need mentally, financially and decoratively. What do you need to do to make yourself feel safe and complete?
Start identifying your needs
I’ll start with five things you can do to find out what your needs are:
1. What do you cherish most in your life?
Is it family? Is it honesty? Is it a success? Find out what you value and make five lists so you know what you want to focus on in your life.
2. Spend time with people who like their true selves
Those who know who you are and what you really want can offer thinking without judgment.
In your life, you don’t have to be with anyone who makes you sick. It just makes you depressed.
3. Clean up your environment
As I mentioned before, with the media bombarding you with negative information, your investment in life will greatly affect you.
Get rid of the negative emotions that make you feel worthless and put yourself in the things that make you feel safe and rich. Throw away all the things that make you depressed, block all the negative people on WhatsApp, or those who trigger your insecurity and pay attention to you.
4. Leave social media temporarily
We spend all day browsing the amazing achievements of others, and in our mind, we think that everyone is better than us.
Before you feel safer, stop comparing at the source, pick up a book or start a new TV show. When you’re ready to come back, remove anyone who disappoints you or makes you feel insecure. Make sure your focus is positive and productive. Demeaning yourself is just a waste of everyone’s time.
You are not good enough to stop this inner nonsense
If you are struggling, you need to find a way to correct yourself and learn how to deal with these ideas.
If you just take the time to look at it, instead of turning the pages in your circle of friends and comparing yourself to a PS model or a successful entrepreneur, you can try affirmation, thinking or other options.
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Life is short. Don’t let your heart and other people’s negative comments drag you down.
It’s under your control to care what others think of you. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it does. You can’t control what others say, but you can control your reaction to it, control the negative thoughts in your mind, and control how you speak to yourself and others in your heart.
As I said at the beginning, there is no simple answer. It’s a process of learning new ways of thinking, which will challenge your physiology, your growth experience and your mind. But if you are determined to change, you will find that your life will soon be on the right track because you will become shameless.