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Why You Shouldn’t Ask A Guy Out? Be Afraid Of Abandon?

Why you shouldn’t ask a guy out? Be afraid of abandon?

People say: Women shouldn’t be too proactive, otherwise men will get too easy and won’t cherish you.

I often wonder:

Will the people who have spent a lot of effort to get it to be cherished forever?

Will you be cherished if you only meet men occasionally and have been passive all the time?

Pretend not to expect. Pretend not to. Is this cherished?

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Why You Shouldn’t Ask A Guy Out? Be Afraid Of Abandon?

Why you shouldn’t ask a guy out? Be afraid of abandon?

People say: Women shouldn’t be too proactive, otherwise men will get too easy and won’t cherish you.

I often wonder:

  • Will the people who have spent a lot of effort to get it to be cherished forever?
  • Will you be cherished if you only meet men occasionally and have been passive all the time?
  • Pretend not to expect. Pretend not to. Is this cherished?

…Why you shouldn’t ask a guy out?

I later went to observe how their relationship broke. I found that this is true on the surface. When a woman takes the initiative, a man does not cherish it. But looking at it from the subconscious mind through the phenomenon, I saw another phenomenon:

Women who seem to be cold, passive women, and women who don’t like to express their needs directly, usually their inner desires are very large, greater than those who are active and enthusiastic.

Why you shouldn’t ask a guy out?
1. Why do you become passive?

Why you shouldn’t ask a guy out?

Why is a person passive? 

Because his desire was too great, he was too scared of the hurt of being rejected. Of course, it may be that you are not interested. But when a person’s needs are not so great, he can bear the injury of rejection and become proactive.

The greater the demand, the stronger the sense of injury when rejected. So how do avoid getting hurt too much? It is “pretending to be indifferent.” This defense requires the means.

For men, pursuing a passive person is a sense of accomplishment, but it is also dangerous.

Once you convince her that she can be satisfied, she will throw all her suppressed needs on you.

At this time, women who start to become active will often use such words, “You like me, you should…” Their subconscious language became: If you don’t meet my needs, you just don’t love me.

They began to rely on each other’s persistent love to become a requirement:

  • You should reply to me in time to meet my need for attention.
  • You should listen to my nagging and satisfy my need to be understood.
  • You just shouldn’t lose your temper at me and satisfy my need to be pampered.
  • You should take the initiative to coax me and satisfy my need for high self-esteem.

In the process of changing from passive to active in a relationship, in addition to accepting the other party, it also starts to rely on the other party and release one’s own needs.

This high concentration of demand is a kind of dependence and will crush another person to death.

He will feel the annoyance of being unable to speak. He will be in an environment where he is asked and accused, and then he wants to escape. Sometimes I can’t escape, and I want to break out when I’m under pressure. Then the woman seems: When you chase me, you are willing to satisfy me with everything. Why become a stranger now?

The girls have changed. From the original desirelessness and desirelessness, it became the current desire and dissatisfaction.

When you have no desires or desires, he is very happy and valuable if the other party can do something for you. When your needs are great, the other person will experience being swallowed up by doing something for you.

Why you shouldn’t ask a guy out?
2. Why can’t you see my contribution?

I have paid so much for you, why can’t you see?

This kind of grievance will be written on the face even if you hold back.

Under this kind of grievance, the man will want to escape elsewhere. Because of the man’s contribution, he was not seen either.

I don’t want to say that women should be active or passive, nor that women should not retreat to the second line, let alone excuse men. This is everyone’s independent choice and deserves to be respected.

When they find me, I usually help them analyze. Then I saw the deep pain behind the housewife: low self-esteem.

Deep in their subconsciousness, they feel that they are inferior to their husbands and that doing housework and raising children is worthless.

They subconsciously worry that they are no longer loved by their husbands. So they wanted to do it, and arouse their husband’s attention.

For example, “you can’t see my hard work”.

This “dislike” is to imply that you see how much I have done, how difficult it is, and how great it is. You are quick to praise me, tell me whether I am doing great or not, do you still love me or not.

Then I will help them rebuild their value and realize that taking care of children and doing housework is different from nannying and has irreplaceable value. Or help them to put aside their overwork on their children’s housework and rebuild their value system.

When you see your value, you are no longer the one who needs to be seen at that moment. At this time, you can see your husband and have the ability to say this sentence: After a day’s work, it is hard to make money.

Why you shouldn’t ask a guy out?
3. Two people’s feelings, one person’s answer

If there is a problem with the relationship between two people, don’t rush to accuse the other person of his fault, why the other person is so selfish, unscrupulous, and irresponsible. “Accounting” will only immerse you in the role of “I am a victim”.

You must always remember: the relationship is two sides.

The relationship is the result of the interaction.

What you did is based on what the other person did.

And what the other person did is based on what you did.

You react based on the other’s reaction, and then enter a cycle, which becomes the status quo of the relationship.

“Why you shouldn’t ask a guy out?”

Humans are instinctive animals, and when they get along for a long time, they will react according to their feelings. Comfortable, just want to get closer. Feeling uncomfortable, just want to escape.

Of course, people cannot always do things that make the other person comfortable. But if you keep doing things that make the other person uncomfortable, the other person will run away.

So although the relationship is a matter of two people, it can be resolved by one person. If you don’t do this, he won’t react like that.

Many people will come to me and ask me, two people, can one person solve the problem? My answer has always been yes.

When he does something that makes you uncomfortable, you have to learn to ask yourself:

  • What kind of pressure did he experience that made him want to run away, blame, or humble to please?
  • What did I do to put him under such pressure?
  • Did I see the real him?
  • Facing his attacks and passive attacks, what kind of reaction am I doing?
  • What is the real purpose of my reaction like this?
  • Do I see who I am?

If you are doing something that makes the other person uncomfortable, you should also learn to ask yourself:

  • What pressure do I feel that makes me want to treat him like this?
  • Is there any way I can deal with it instead of avoiding, accusing, or enduring it?
  • What did I learn from the way I treated him? How is it formed?

“Why you shouldn’t ask a guy out?”

Go to the bottom of the relationship and see what is happening between two people, instead of obsessing with the phenomenon to react. This is the fundamental way to resolve the relationship.

If you are willing to think: what happened to us. Instead of: why are you doing this. Then, 80% of the intimate relationships in the world need not be broken.

If you have thought about it and haven’t repaired it yet, you can let it go, because you worked hard. If you don’t think, react directly to your behavior, and don’t try another way, you are at best giving up.


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— About The Writer —

I am Cedric S, a psychologist, and a writer from the other side of the earth. Focus on:

1. Relationship: dating/chatting/breaking up

2. Psychology: relationship/marriage psychology

3. Sex Science

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