Hello, I’m Cynthia, an emotional writer. It’s a great honor for you to click on this article. This article comes from Firstdatingadvice, hoping to bring you life and emotional guidance.
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When you are in love, many people ask similar questions:
“Do I love him / her, because I am so lonely, or because I was just dumped?”
“Does he / she love me or does he / she just want to play with me?”
It seems that many people can not understand whether the relationship they are in is true love. There are three factors. You can analyze the relationship according to these three factors to judge whether or not true love is.
Seeking validation in relationships 1. understand yourself.
It is well known (and may not be known). We all have an “ideal object image” – the physical and psychological characteristics of our favorite potential partners, which formed in our early growth experience.
Of course, many people may not know that we will create “scripts” – expectations and ideas about how love should happen and how it will develop.
Generally speaking, research shows that similarity is the basic logic of attraction.
That is, the more similar you are to her/him preferences, backgrounds and experiences in a long-term relationship, the more likely you are to build a “friendship” with each other (what researchers call “peer love”).
We may be attracted to a person who is totally different from ourselves, but it can lead to infatuation, but not necessarily a long-term relationship (this is usually an exception, not the rule of “opposite sex sucking”). While we may be attracted to another kind of “exotic” person in terms of sex, such romantic partners rarely develop long-term relationships.
Therefore, it is important to know yourself.
We need to understand not only what qualities attract us, but also why we are attracted by these qualities and objectively assess whether it leads to a lasting relationship.
Seeking validation in relationships 2. understand each other.
When it comes to a relationship, it is very difficult to really understand the intention and motivation of the other party.
One common situation is that our motivation and expectations may allow us to see only what we want to see, not the actual situation.
Observation and objectivity are the key.
First, pay attention to his / her behavior. Is that person interested in you or more concerned with himself?
Second, is he / she loyal to the relationship? Is it rewarding or is it only a claim that is not given?
Finally, is he / she good? A person who belittles you or makes you feel bad is not a good partner’s choice.
Seeking validation in relationships 3. understand the situation you meet with him / her.
If it is because of situational factors that attract us to someone, it may not eventually develop into a committed, long-term relationship.
For example, a person who breaks up from a long-term relationship may fall into a new relationship too quickly to “fill in emptiness”.
The study also shows that situational factors can also stimulate attraction. For example, sharing some emotional arousal with another person can lead to misunderstanding of this arousal as sexual attraction.
One of the most typical examples is the “shaking bridge study,” where single people meet in the middle of a rocking rope bridge or on a solid ground. When they meet on a shaking bridge, they are more sexually attractive and tend to see strangers as potential dating objects.
The last situational factor is the opinions of others, and it may affect two people. Many people will be affected by the words of the people nearby, such as “you are a couple of people!”, “you better not let this person run away.”
Therefore, the key is to try to objectively analyze the situation to determine whether your budding relationship is affected by the situational factors.
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