TOPIC OF THIS ARTICLE: no relationship
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A partner who has been single in the office said to us:
“I don’t know if I have any problems. I have a lot of friends, but I have no friends to talk to. I can’t go any further with them. I used to have fun dating a boy, and I like him very much, but when he confessed to me, I suddenly felt very conflicted, so I gradually stopped contacting him, but I really wanted to fall in love, but I never succeeded. Maybe I am a person far away from others. ” Why do I have nothing to do with others?
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Why do I have no relationship with others?
There are many similar people around us, who don’t like physical contact, can’t communicate with friends, and are eager to fall in love, but always push away people who like themselves, or claim that they only date and go to bed, but never fall in love. They set up a core wall to keep out all the people who want to be close to them. They actually have intimacy and fear.
Why do I have no relationship with others? Why is intimacy frightening? Intimacy fear refers to the fear of physical or emotional closeness with others. On the contrary, some people are even very popular and have many friends. They also accept emotional ambiguity, but they are not willing to share their pain with others. They will experience a feeling that although they have many ordinary friends, they still feel lonely.
And as long as the other person has the desire to further contact, the intimate phobia will immediately resist and begin to separate from the other person. So the two questions they most often respond to are “I’m afraid of falling in love with people” and “I have a lot of friends, but no one can talk when I’m sad.”
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Why do I have no relationship with others? About 17% of adults have the problem of intimacy fear. Why does it seem that ordinary intimacy and love become something that can’t be crossed for people who are afraid of intimacy? To avoid losing two people’s intimacy by not getting close to each other means that you really know a person and allow him to understand you in depth. However, the concept we learned from childhood is that the more we know a person, the more shortcomings he has and the more likely he is to have strong negative emotions. Therefore, we should avoid intimacy, not dislike each other, on the contrary, Maybe the more we like each other, the more we dare not get close to each other.
Why do I have no relationship with others? “I won’t lose you until I get close to you.” The closer you are, the more hurt you will be. In the process of forming attachment relationship in childhood, children will try to be close to their parents. Some parents often refuse or ignore their children’s needs, and even scold their children with a sense of shame, “do you cry when you are so big? Are you not ashamed? ” These children who are scolded, neglected or even abused realize that trying to be intimate is usually punished and hurt. “The closer you are, the more hurt you will get.” so the best way to protect yourself from being hurt is not to be too close to others.
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Why do I have no relationship with others? But intimacy phobia usually can’t connect the intimacy phobia they are facing with with their early childhood trauma, because trauma is always denied and avoided by our subconscious. They are just sad to conclude that their communication with people is always “never work out”, and even some people don’t try to contact people at all later, I think I’m still the best person.
Even if they enter an intimate relationship, and the other party is also very good to themselves, but the fear of intimate relationship is still very suspicious, not sure whether he really loves himself, so they constantly challenge and verify. Anxiety, doubt, fear of loss. Keep doing things that damage the relationship until the other person leaves.
Why do I have no relationship with others? How to overcome the fear of intimacy, we should first explore and recognize the early childhood trauma, help visitors to see and experience their early self, identify the early repressed emotions, name and express them. This is closely related to our fear of intimacy later on. It can help individuals to realize the root of their fear and reduce the shame of intimate phobia.
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Why do I have no relationship with others? It should be noted that the behavior of deeply exploring one’s old experience and trauma must be carried out in a “safe environment or relationship”. Otherwise, it is potentially dangerous. If it is not handled properly, it is easy to tear one’s own scar over and over again, but it cannot be healed. Resolve the desire to escape intimacy and connect with others and regain a sense of security. The fear of intimacy is very insecure. They think that the intimate relationship usually brings painful experience or leads to the loss of the intimate object.
Why do I have no relationship with others? So the key to overcoming fear is to make them feel safe again. Counselors can provide corrective emotional experience, make visitors familiar, learn to trust and accept that “they are worthy of being loved”, eliminate the connection between intimacy and negative results, and develop “earned security”, which is very important for them to overcome childhood trauma and learn how to develop safe and lasting intimacy.
Why do I have no relationship with others? Intimacy fear doesn’t seem to have the same serious symptoms as other psychological problems, but it can cause a lot of trouble to people. Maybe there is nothing more lonely than not being close to anyone.
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