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I’m Lonely, How To Make Friends In My 20s

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What is friendship in the definition of adults? How should friendship be opened and maintained when we are no longer children, especially in the early adulthood? How do you make friends in your 20s? Today’s article will take a deep look at this issue.

How difficult is it for adults to make friends?

[Read more:Feeling Lonely After Breakup, 6 Tips You Can Use]

First, we will look at a set of relevant research results:

How to make friends in your 20s? 1.

Half of the people you think are friends do not regard you as friends.

How do you make friends in your 20s? When we call a person our friend, we often default on the relationship as mutual. But half of the people, according to the study, just mistakenly think they are friends with others.

A study in March 2016 conducted a survey of college students in the same class, and asked them to score each student in the class separately, 0 points as “no knowledge”, more than 3 points are “friends”, and 5 points are “best friends”. At the same time, they also have to write down what the other party may rate. Interestingly, 94 percent of 1353 relationships considered friends (i.e. one side scored more than three points), and 94 percent thought the other side would also score more than three points. In fact, however, only 53 percent of people really receive more than three points from each other.

[Read more:How To Make Friends In Your 20s]

How to make friends in your 20s? 2.

Heterosexual men fear that they will be considered gay when they make friends with the same sex.

How do you make friends in your 20s? Irene S. Levine, a professor at New York University, studies that men and women have different worries and pressures on friendship in the adult world.

Women feel more pressure because they don’t have friends because they think they will be negatively judged by society – the expectation of society for women is “better at friendship”.

How to make friends in late 20s? Men are not happy because they don’t have friends, but some heterosexual men are bothered by how to actively send signals of friendship to others. Geoffrey Greif, a professor at the University of Maryland, said it was because they “don’t want to be considered vulnerable” and that if they send a dating signal to the same sex, they are afraid to be mistaken for homosexuality. ——This is obviously related to the stereotype of the society on gay men who associate homosexuality with “fragility” and “lack of masculinity”.

[Read more:The Core Stage To Get Validation In Relationships]

How to make friends in your 20s? 3.

The higher the IQ, the less willing to spend time with friends.

How to meet new people in your 20s? A joint study of British and Singapore scholars in february2016, based on the survey results of 15000 18-28 year olds, found that people with more close friends would be happier – except in one case: when their IQ is higher. Those with higher IQ need more time to be alone, and if they spend more time on friends, they will be unhappy. The researchers believe that this is because they need to reduce social interaction to focus on long-term goals and to maintain more intellectual stimulation.

How to make friends in late 20s? The characteristics of adult friendship: complexity

How to make friends in your 20s? 1.

The friendship of adults is complex

The friendship of adults can become very complicated. If we say childhood friendship is often out of emotion, mutual appreciation and play; when we grow up, friendship will be affected by the resource replacement and other benefits.

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How to meet new people in your 20s? Alexander nehamas, professor at Princeton University, said that adult friendship is very like art, it is not always “good” or completely moral, but rather contains many complex and immoral parts. Sometimes people have relationships that are even enemies and friends. The Webster dictionary now contains a new term “frenemies” to describe the relationship: even the closest friends can hurt each other, and this does not even prevent them from continuing to be friends.

But again, Alexander nehamas said, “we like the way we like friends, and the way we like art.” It may contain a lot of hurtful, unequal, immoral parts, but it is still beautiful and attractive.

How to make friends in your 20s? 2.

When we are adults, we show different ourselves in different circles of friends

In the adult world, we will not only have one kind of friend, but will have different friends. In front of different friends, we will show different states respectively. “We have many qualities in adulthood, and they cannot be contained in a relationship.” How to make friends in late 20s? We will find that different friends discuss different topics, even in front of them their own personality is different.

How to meet new people in your 20s? Alexander nehamas said that it’s the process of getting along with different friends and in turn makes us richer, “every friend pushes us in a different direction.”

How to make friends and stay in their 20s?

How to make friends in your 20s? 1.

Opening friendship: non active contact

In the 1950s, Rebecca g. Adams, a social psychologist, proposed that three conditions were needed to open a friendship according to a series of research results

One is proximity, which refers to physical proximity;

Second, repeated and unplanned interaction, you should have frequent contact opportunities;

Third, we can encourage people to put down the environment of preparedness and show their true feelings to each other.

Proximity and interaction enable you to know each other, and self exposure and sincerity make you become friends from acquaintances.

How to meet new people in your 20s? In 1950, social psychologist Festinger did a series of related researches. He believes that, no matter at any stage of life, a large number of “passive contacts” are the key to the beginning of a friendship. It means that some people naturally appear around you, classmates, colleagues, neighbors, etc.

The phenomenon is also described as “more exposure effect” in psychology. The multi-view effect is that simple repeated exposure can affect your impression of the exposed. Experiments show that repeated exposure can enhance the individual’s preference for the exposed if the individual’s impression of the exposed is positive or neutral at first. If the individual’s impression of the exposed object is negative at first, repeated exposure will enhance the individual’s aversion to the exposed.

Strangers who don’t have a special impression, once they come up in front of us repeatedly, we will be more favorable to them than those who don’t often appear. This is why non active contact will promote the beginning of friendship.

But in adulthood, we may not have long-term, sustained and frequent interaction with people around us, as in primary and secondary schools; after work, we often leave the job and the relationship with our colleagues is not easy to really get close. How to make friends in late 20s? Therefore, for adults, the more likely place to make friends is the community where they are, or to participate in fitness courses and club activities.

How to make friends in your 20s? 2.

The key to the real start of friendship: self exposure

When two people begin to know each other because of their proximity and a lot of interaction, they are not “friends” but “Acquaintances”. The key to change from the acquaintance relationship to friendship is self exposure.

How to make friends in your twenties? “A typical feature of changing from acquaintances to friends in your mid 20s is the increase in the breadth and depth of self exposure.” Beverley Fehr of Winnipeg University, Canada, said. This process is often the case: when you keep meeting regularly, one side risks exposing personal information to “test” whether the other party will respond accordingly. If both sides are willing to expose themselves, it is like a key to open friendship.

How to make friends in late 20s? In adolescence, self exposure among friends is very rapid and violent, but in the adult world, if you want to make real friends, the faster the self exposure is, the better, the depth and speed need to be moderate. Arthur Aron, a psychology professor at New York State University at stone brook, experimented with how to make people “close to each other” in 45 minutes. The key to developing friendship, he found, was “step by step exposure to private information” – even in just 45 minutes.

How to make friends in your twenties? “Sharing needs to be moderate, and over sharing is considered one-sided, overwhelming, inappropriate social.” So how can I tell that sharing is excessive? ‘it’s a good way to watch each other’s response, says Arthur Aron, and if you find someone nervous, upset, or don’t know how to answer, you may be overexposive.

Arthur Aron has tested a variety of communication models, and finally developed a problem model which is the easiest to make friends in a short time, including three groups of problems, 12 in each group.

The first group of questions is a little personal, such as “will you practice what you’re going to say before you make a call?” “When was the last time you sang to yourself?” Etc;

The second group was more private, such as “what is your most terrifying memory?” “Is there anything you have dreamed of doing all the time? Why haven’t you done it yet? ” Etc;

How to make friends in your twenties? The last group was the most private, such as “when was the last time you cried in front of others?” “Who will make you most sad in your family?” And so on.

How to make friends in your mid 20s? These problems lead to gradual self exposure, which makes people open their hearts and become friends most easily.

How to make friends in your 20s? 3.

Maintain long-term friendship: understand how to pay and ask

When you start building a friendship with another person, the next thing you need to face is to maintain it.

How to make friends in your mid 20s? In 1995 Beverley Fehr published a book called friendshipprocesses, which analyzed the development process of friendship in the early adulthood. Her research believes that when the friendship of adults enters the maintenance stage, we no longer need physical proximity and repeated interaction, and moving and moving away from other places is not a barrier to long-term friendship; the “practicality” of friends can hardly play a role. “Practicality” refers to the practical help that a friend can give you, such as borrowing money, borrowing a car to you, or helping you do something. These are of little importance to maintaining friendship.

How to make friends in late 20s? Beverley Fehr found that the key to maintaining friendship is to build a mature, intuitive understanding to give and solicit intimacy.

“Those who understand what to say to respond to the other side’s self exposure will have a more stable and satisfying friendship.” Beverley Fehr said that from the early adulthood, long-term friends in the maintenance of friendship are those who are willing to help at any time, but rarely exceed the boundaries – ta knows how to express acceptance, loyalty and unconditional support, when to make up the sofa for you and when to give you a hug.

Those who always have too much opinions on our wardrobe, partners, movies and artistic tastes, and those who chatter about our lives belong to people who are too far beyond the boundaries, and they are difficult to become our long-term friends.

How to make firend in your 20s? 4. 

be the closest friend: support each other’s social identity

As mentioned above, friends can also be divided into many types. Among all your friends, only a few people will become your close friends. They are almost your closest people. Your expectations for each other are “beyond the responsibilities of ordinary friends”.

How to make friends in your two? In 2005, social psychologists Carolyn Weisz and Lisa F. wood found that, unlike adolescence, the key to becoming close friends after adulthood was “supporting social identity”.

Social identity, proposed by Tajfel in 1970s and 1980s, refers to “individuals recognize TA belongs to specific social groups, and also realize the emotional and value significance brought to TA as a member of the group.” Social identity may be your religious beliefs, interest groups, special experience groups (such as international students), etc., rather than from which province, or how much weight you weigh.

How to make friends in your two? Support each other’s social identity, which social groups do you think they belong to, and you understand the emotional and value significance that TA brings to TA as members of these groups, and you recognize and support all of these.

Weisz conducted a follow-up survey of Freshmen in their four-year college life, focusing on the relationship between friendship duration, intimacy and three variables: proximity, contact frequency, and the degree of social identity supporting each other. The results show that the three factors, namely, proximity, contact frequency and social identity support, can predict the duration of friendship. That is, the closer and more frequent the two people contact, the more support they give to the other party’s social identity, the longer the friendship will be; however, only one of social identity support can predict whether people can become the closest friends.

How to make friends in your two? Researchers believe that this may be because the recognition of our social identity helps to improve our self-esteem. ——What we have done, our experiences and our values have been confirmed, understood and supported. It may also mean that if you feel that you lack close friends, it may be related to your failure to find your own social identity.

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