Hypervigilance in relationships: What should we do?
In intimate relationships, we all engage in many other behaviors in addition to intimate behaviors.
Some behaviors are done out of happiness, some out of sadness.
Some can bring sweetness to the other person, some can create pain.
Some are good for furthering intimacy, and some can lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
Many times we think we know how to give to give.
But most of the time, we have a hard time realizing at what point we are being hurt.
Hypervigilance in relationships: Extreme sensitivity to real or perceived risks in intimate relationships.
An over-vigilant individual defends or avoids risks before they arise, doing everything they can to prevent them from happening.
Hypervigilance in relationships: They are often anxious about the actions, thoughts, and feelings of others, and they feel frantic about ambiguity because they are running their lives through control. Such people often have to “steal” to gain trust (e.g., phone calls, social stalking, asking for passwords, etc.).
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One of the most profound and complex relationships between the sexes is love. In particular, the creation, development, culmination, and outcome of love in a given space and time are a mystery. Hypervigilance in relationships: By tracing and reviewing the unending exploration and conclusion of psychologists over the years, it seems that love is slowly unveiling its mystery.
It is gratifying to see that the TARA model is finally giving us the fuzzy face of love itself. However, since its birth, this model seems to have inherent flaws and shortcomings. Hypervigilance in relationships: Along the path of this research, psychologists have been surprised to discover a branching line that leads to an infinite unknown sea of stars in the distance.
“Through a study of 18,000 couples, Dr. Stielich and I believe that the rate of affairs among middle-aged husbands is highest in the seventh year of marriage, a phenomenon Dr. Stielich jokingly refers to as the seven-year itch,” said Dr. Stielich, referring to the pattern of occasional cheating by married men, or the seven-year itch. However, taking the humorous side out of the equation, the rate at which this unfortunate phenomenon occurs is 84 percent. In the summer, the cheating rate is even higher at ninety-one percent.”
Hypervigilance in relationships: Shocked by the numbers above? Do not be nervous, this is not real statistics, just a quote from the 1955 movie “The Seven Year Itch” starring Marilyn Monroe. Its lack of scientific, dramatic dark humor has achieved a small satirical love comedy effect, and the “seven-year itch” argument is widely spread, deeply rooted.
Can love beat time?
Although the relationship between attachment patterns and relationship quality has been well explained in the traditional TARA model, most previous research has ignored the important variable of time. Hypervigilance in relationships: Perhaps not so much ignored, but rather the time variable is too unpredictable to be of help to those in charge of the love itself, let alone to those on the sidelines as “casual observers”.
Hypervigilance in relationships: Researchers have measured changes in relationship quality over time using diaries or longitudinal studies. For example, in a study by Mitnick, Heyman, and others, they conducted a meta-analysis of 37 data and found a very small but significant decrease in relationship satisfaction among newly married couples of one or two years, independent of family status. In another earlier study by Levenson and Gottman, two-thirds of couples were found to have a decrease in relationship satisfaction after three years, and this decrease tended to get worse. Hypervigilance in relationships: Similarly, according to Byers’ sample of a large community, including both married and unmarried couples, more than two-thirds of relationship satisfaction decreases or remains the same after 18 months, which is one of the plausible explanations for the high and increasing divorce rate.
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Clements et al. proposed an “erosion theory” in 1997, according to which many, but not all, couples begin their relationships with positive factors such as satisfaction, but are followed by a period of flattening to a steep and dramatic decrease, which may be followed by a period of stagnation or a slowing decrease, but The premise is that the couple has not broken up, so congratulations to them for hanging in there to the end. Hypervigilance in relationships: This series of trends may be due to couples experiencing the novelty of a dry spell, such as the honeymoon period, and the fire of love burning out and then gradually extinguishing, such as when one partner develops regret, or it is possible that the initial meeting of love at first sight was simply fictional, except that time has allowed it to show its original hideous face.
Hypervigilance in relationships: The TARA model suggests that the time variable moderates the decreasing trend of relationship satisfaction and fidelity in the relationship model. So after taking time into account, secure attachments are more stable and uncomfortable attachments are more uncomfortable.
Love is inseparable from time. Hypervigilance in relationships: Time is like a catalyst that makes attachment relationships develop rapidly; time is also like a puffing agent that makes relationship satisfaction and fidelity deepen day by day; and time is like a developer that makes both partners see their own and each other’s true attachment patterns more and more clearly.
I’m Jocelyn, and I hope you will all meet someone who loves you. If you have emotional problems, you can ask me for advice. If you are single, maybe you can meet him/her on Bothlive.