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How To Make An Avoidant Miss You? Match What He Wants

How to get along with avoidant lovers? How to make an avoidant miss you? Match what he wants. He wants such a lover. 

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How to make an avoidant miss you?
The characteristics of avoidant attachment style

1. Afraid of being rejected, so they will reject others first

In the ambiguous stage, if you show that you have a good interaction with the opposite sex in the circle of friends, the avoidant lover may alienate you and even delete your contact information; in the love stage, if you express your dissatisfaction with the avoidant lover, he will lead to the breakup because of the threat.

2. Refuse and avoid negative emotions

When avoidant lovers have negative emotions, they will open the autistic mode, hide, do not speak, and do not respond to you; when you have negative emotions, avoidant lovers will stay away from you and let you deal with your emotions by yourself.

3. Rejection of overly intimate relationships

Avoidant lovers reject too close interaction. For example, if you travel together for a week, then avoidant lovers need to stay on their own for a while. For example, if you want to share your thoughts with avoidant lovers, they will refuse. For example, when you talk about marriage with avoidant lovers, they will be vague or angry because of fear.

4. Like to travel, participate in activities, work, must devote themselves to something to be at ease

Countless affairs are like a shell. Avoidant lovers must have a shell to feel safe. When they are free, their first reaction is to find something to do. However, this kind of person is generally more likely to achieve high success in work.

5. Idealized love

The avoidant lover wants his partner to behave like the person he imagined. If you are different from the person he imagined, he will feel a strong sense of frustration and out-of-control anger. What’s more, the ideal partner in the imagination of avoidant lovers is often the nonexistent person who combines the advantages of many predecessors.

How to make an avoidant miss you?
The root of avoidant attachment

In the early years of avoidant people, the parents are dissatisfied with the status quo and unable to change, so they will project a sense of powerlessness and anxiety on their children and have high requirements and expectations for them.

Children’s identification with the projection of their parents’ powerlessness leads them to firmly believe that “I can’t / I can’t” and experience powerlessness and anxiety all the time. And the reinforcement of parents’ negative feedback gives the child an illusion that “as long as I work hard, I can get rid of the sense of powerlessness”, so the child keeps on moving forward, but never reaches the end he wants to reach.

 

Rejection will make the avoidant experience a sense of powerlessness, so he will reject you first and let himself experience a sense of control and strength;

Negative emotions are synonymous with weakness and incompetence in the world of avoidant people, so they will avoid and suppress negative emotions;

Because they are in a state of self-repression, avoidant people often need to be alone and comb their hearts, and they often use work and study to avoid problems in life;

Because his growing experience tells him that “as long as he works hard, he can get better”, so when his feelings are in trouble, his first reaction is to try to change to a better one, closer to the ideal, rather than accept the reality.

How to make an avoidant miss you?
How to get along with avoidant lovers?

1. Adjust one’s negative emotions

How to make an avoidant miss you? When dealing with avoidant lovers, whether you are safe or anxious, you will often doubt “whether he doesn’t love himself” because of the trait of avoidant avoiding intimacy, so you want to do something to verify the relationship, and often these behaviors in the avoidant view are undermining your charm, only making the other party want to stay away from you.

How to make an avoidant miss you? To get along with the avoidant type, the first thing we need to do is to learn to adjust our negative emotions, avoid our anxiety, fear, and other negative emotions drowning our reason, and make the behavior of destroying the relationship.


How to make an avoidant miss you? When you have the question “does he not love me” in your heart, first list the evidence that can prove this point, such as ① he didn’t take the initiative to call me for a week; ② he didn’t reply as fast as before; ③ he was very impatient when I called him.

Then list the evidence to refute these pieces of evidence or the evidence to prove that “he loves me”. For example, ① he was just promoted this month, and the work pressure was very high; ② he took the initiative to send messages to tell me what he was busy with; ③ he said that he would fly with me for two days next month.

2. Give space, security over intimacy

How to make an avoidant miss you? For avoidant lovers, the relationship is always unsafe. The root of this insecurity is that their parents have never given them unconditional love, so it is difficult for them to establish dependence on their partners and maintain close relationships. Therefore, in the relationship, we need to give priority to meet the security needs of avoidant lovers rather than their own intimate needs.


How to make an avoidant miss you? For example, it was originally said that he would meet twice a week, but he said twice in a row that he wanted to stay by himself, which means that he can’t adapt to such high-frequency interaction, so give him the freedom to rest himself, and you can live your own life. Only when he feels that the distance of this relationship is elastic, he will be careful to get closer to you and rely on you You lose more. And if on the contrary, he wants to stay away from you, but clings to it, then he will run far away for fear of being caught by you again.

3. When raising demand, first talk about motivation, then give space

How to make an avoidant miss you? The growth environment of avoidant lovers is full of negation and repression, so they are extremely sensitive to negation, and it is easy to interpret other people’s behavior as a negation of themselves. For example, the avoidant person will avoid discussing the contradictions in the relationship. He will think that if you are dissatisfied with him, you are denying him or not loving him, while if he is dissatisfied with you, you are not loving you, so two people can’t talk about contradictions.

At this time, if you insist on discussing the contradiction with the other party, the need for the discussion itself is a new contradiction, which will make him more evasive. At this point, what you should do is to say the motivation first, and then give him space.


How to make an avoidant miss you? Let’s talk about motivation first. For example, we had a small conflict last week. I hope we can discuss ways to avoid conflicts from that conflict. I want to know your views on XXX so that we can understand each other better and have a better relationship.

How to make an avoidant miss you? After giving space, such as: of course, if you don’t want to discuss, I won’t force you, when you want to discuss, just tell me. Then leave and give each other space to think.


You might also be interested in: How To Get An Avoidant To Chase You? Knowing Him And Shoot His Heart
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– About The Writer –

I am Cedric S, a psychologist, and a writer from the other side of the earth. Focus on:

1. Relationship: dating/chatting/breaking up

2. Psychology: relationship/marriage psychology

3. Sex Science

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