How To Get An Avoidant To Chase You? Don’t Believe “I Don’t Like You”

Avoidant attachment: alienated because of fear. How to get an avoidant to chase you? Don’t believe “I don’t like you”.

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How to get an avoidant to chase you?

May life be kind to everyone, more kind.

How to get an avoidant to chase you? Cat owners know that cats are different from dogs. They do not crave too much for the care and intimacy given by human beings; they show relative coldness and arrogance. But even such arrogant species will feel lonely and afraid when human beings begin to turn a blind eye to them.

You know what? There are such a group of people in the world. They are cats. The loneliness and anxiety of cats are their “inner relationship mode”. This pattern is called avoidant attachment.

How to get an avoidant to chase you? The avoidant attachment has a high demand for private space, and the closeness of the relationship will make them have a fear of being controlled. They are always on the defensive in the relationship, ready to close their “emotional valve” and withdraw from the relationship.

How to get an avoidant to chase you?
1. Behavior pattern of avoidant attachment

1) Fear of intimacy

Avoidant attachment is used to keeping a distance from others and needs a certain sense of space in an interpersonal relationship.

They will resist all intimate behaviors from family, friends, and partners psychologically and physically.

2) Pseudo independence

“Avoidant attachment is a bit like a cat,” said a top note in the comments section of a tweet about lithromatic.

Yes. They don’t care about the establishment of intimate relationships. They pretend that they don’t need other people’s care and protection at all. They live in an independent world created by themselves. They look like arrogant cats. But in the real world, who can be completely independent without the love of others?

3) Develop the attachment mode from small to large into the way of getting along in the love relationship

Sexual unrequited love.

In short, “do I like you or not?”

So after getting the reply, they will unconsciously alienate and avoid it.

Their resistance comes from a kind of inferiority complex, “I am not worthy of being loved”.

They are eager to be loved, but they feel that others’ appreciation of them seems suspicious, incomprehensible, and even disgusting.

Because they are afraid of being hurt and the result of everything, they simply refuse the beginning of everything.

That’s why some people say, “People who are single in love lack a channel to transmit and receive love.”

How to get an avoidant to chase you?
2. How to explain the existence of avoidant attachment?

Attachment theory is proposed by John Bowlby, a British developmental psychologist. He concluded that from 0 to 2 years old, attachment development has gone through four broad stages, and finally reached the “dynamic balance between mother and infant”. This theory describes the process in which infants form attachment patterns.


1) Pre attachment phase

0-6 weeks

Babies get food and comfort from their mothers. But separating them from their mother does not cause any discomfort.

2) Attachment in the making phase

6 weeks to 6-8 months

Infants begin to react differently to familiar and unfamiliar people and begin to have signs of separation anxiety.

3) Clear cut attachment phase

6-8 months to 18-24 months

When the mother left, the baby showed obvious separation anxiety. This kind of attachment is mutual, and both sides will feel uneasy.

4) Reciprocal relationships

18-24 months and later

During this period, the child’s activity ability is enhanced, and in the last period, the mother plays a major role in balancing this relationship. At this stage, both sides have the function of adjustment and balance.

This relationship will last for a long time in humans.

How to get an avoidant to chase you?

It can be seen that attachment is a psychological tendency to seek to get close to another person to get a sense of security. In infancy, the source of a child’s sense of security is only the mother; and attachment should present a mutual relationship, so when the mother can’t give the child the same amount of dependence, the child will start to identify their demands in subconsciousness and can’t get a reply.

How to get an avoidant to chase you?

“Attachment theory not only provides a framework for understanding the emotional response of infants but also provides a framework for understanding the love, loneliness, and sadness of adults. The attachment style of adults is considered to be the attachment model developed by themselves and others in their infancy and childhood.

How to get an avoidant to chase you?
3. Related experiments: stranger situation

Strange Situation Test.

The experiment was designed to observe the response of infants to strangers in different situations

1) When I was with my mother

2) When my mother left

3) When my mother came back

According to the performance, children’s attachment types are classified: safe attachment/avoidance type/resistance type / chaotic unsafe attachment.

How to get an avoidant to chase you?
4. How should avoidant improve/accept themself?

“I’m avoiding sexual attachment. Am I destined to be lonely all my life?”

(1) Self-awareness

Avoidant attachment is a kind of attachment pattern that is gradually formed from small to large, which is difficult to change overnight. So try to experience self-awareness instead of deliberate change.

The definition of psychological terms should not be used to deny ourselves and evaluate ourselves, but to let us know ourselves better.

Understand your attitude and way of doing things in different situations, then grow up and learn how to love yourself better.

(2) Get along with safe attachment

The acquired secure attachment model can cultivate the sense of security by getting along with the secure attachment.

(3) Write an autobiography

Psychotherapy: self biography.

Change behavior patterns by understanding childhood experiences

Eg: reinterpret the neglect of parents when they were young. Maybe they don’t love you, but they are not used to how to express love

“By understanding our past selves, we can liberate our present selves and empower our future selves” – Dan Siegel

(4) Acknowledge vulnerability

Admit your vulnerability, make your boundaries less rigid, and soften them.

It’s only when you build such a relationship that you dare to express your inner frailty that you’ve taken the “first step.”. Because your self boundaries are no longer rigid, allowing others to get close to you.

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How to get an avoidant to chase you?

How to get an avoidant to chase you? How to deal with people who are attached to others?

From the perspective of academic psychology, avoidant attachment and anxious attachment can’t be regarded as a negative attachment.

Abnormal psychology or a kind of disorder.

How to get an avoidant to chase you? They are just in the process of slowly cultivating their behavior patterns, and they have experienced some different patterns of accepting love from most people. Don’t think they are abnormal, but also respect and understand any choices they make. Please give them a certain amount of space and love, and accompany them with empathy to slowly accept their own and other people’s love.

You might also be interested in: How To Get An Avoidant To Chase You? Knowing Him And Shoot His Heart
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– About The Writer –

I am Cedric S, a psychologist, and a writer from the other side of the earth. Focus on:

1. Relationship: dating/chatting/breaking up

2. Psychology: relationship/marriage psychology

3. Sex Science

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