projection in relationships

How To Stop Projecting? 5 Rules Save Life

How to stop projecting? Your spouse, parents, children… are all your subconscious projections. 

Everyone’s existence brings us a precious gift, helping us to “see a more complete self”, but different people give this gift in different ways.

Don’t worry, this article will give you a complete understanding of “what is projecting” and “how to stop projecting”.

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How To Stop Projecting? 5 Rules Save Life

Your spouse, parents, children… are all your subconscious projections. How to stop projecting?

Everyone’s existence brings us a precious gift, helping us to “see a more complete self”, but different people give this gift in different ways.

  • How to stop projecting insecurities?
  • How to stop projecting in a relationship?
  • How to stop projecting anger?

Don’t worry, this article will give you a complete understanding of “what is projecting” and “how to stop projecting”.

READ MORE: Projection In Relationships: Why Does He/She End Up Being A Nuisance?

A wise person knows the secret-how to see the unintegrated part of his subconscious in others, so that parents, children, brothers, colleagues, and even enemies can all become fate in life.

How to stop projecting?
What is projecting?

How to stop projecting?
1. Your spouse is your subconscious mind

People are originally a whole, but to adapt to the environment, they have developed part of their psychological activities and suppressed another part of their psychological activities. As a result, they have become “half-person.” When looking for a spouse, people will be attracted by those who have mental activities that they lack (in fact, they are not lacking, but suppressed). Together, these two people seem to have become a whole.

Therefore, some couples are relatively harmonious at first, but after a long time together, differentiation will occur-everyone’s inner psychological activities will continue to develop. People are not conflicting with their spouses, but with their subconscious minds.

How to stop projecting onto others?

Everyone’s soul is complete at the most basic level. No matter what qualities you think you have, you must also have the opposite qualities at the same time. It is only because of various internal and external belief constraints that only the side that is considered “correct” is reflected.

I am a strict and obedient person, and at the same time I am also an informal person;

I am an indecisive person, and I am also a decisive person;

I am an ambitious person and at the same time a person who is content with the moment.

Every aspect of the subconscious is not unacceptable, and it must have a positive meaning. Both sides of each pair of traits need to be fully seen, understood, accepted, integrated, and finally transformed into wisdom-gradually surpassing sublimation from the perspective of duality, and gaining a deeper understanding of oneself and the world.

If you can’t see clearly by yourself, then your partner will be the best mirror to help you see your inner integrity and accept the oppressed side.

How to stop projecting?
2. Your children are also your subconscious

Parents hope that their children will become dragons and their daughters will become phoenixes. This is treating their children as “self-substitutes.”

Project their own inadequate (ie, depressive or semi-depressive) aspect to their children, and let the children complete their unfinished mission. Many parents carry out this process unconsciously. At this time, what is projected on the children is the parent’s subconsciousness.

READ MORE: Can You Love Someone But Not Like Them: Toxic Parents

Example:

There is a pair of parents. They are excellent. They hope their children are also excellent. They start prenatal education before they are born, and take their children to early education after confinement. The children were very good when they were in the small class of kindergarten, but when they arrived in the middle class, the children developed “behavioral problems”, did not observe discipline, often robbed other people’s things, quarreled with children, cried, and sometimes peed their pants. Parents take their children to see a psychologist. The psychologists all say it has something to do with family education, but the parents think there is no problem with family education.

Both parents are excellent, which means that she has an “excellent molecule” mask (A). People are not inherently good or not good, but they have both good and bad sides. Parents “played” the mask of excellent molecules, which meant that they suppressed the mask of “backward members”. She must be very repulsive of the mask of backward elements. She hates backward elements and is afraid that she will become backward elements, so she strives for progress and strives to be outstanding. The better she is, the deeper the mask of backward elements is suppressed, and in the end, even she is deceived into thinking that she does not have the mask of backward elements. But judging from her vying for excellence and fear of falling behind, the mask of backward elements exists in her. Now, the suppressed mask of backward elements is projected onto the child.

Maybe the child is not so backward, just like other children. However, the mother has a strong mask of backward elements, and is very sensitive to backward elements. 

She immediately recognizes the child’s backward element traits and wears backward elements to the child. Molecular mask. If she accepts the mask of backward elements, she will allow the child to fall behind and then accompany the child to grow up together. The problem is that she does not accept the mask of backward elements, she wants to “eliminate” the child’s backward element mask, so she enters a state of hostility with the child’s backward element mask (also with the child). In a hostile state, the child is very injured, he will resist, and the result is getting worse and worse.

How to stop projecting?
3. Parents, brothers and sisters, colleagues, enemies

After analyzing the spouse and children, then according to the same principle-

How to stop projecting?
(1) “Your parents are also your subconscious mind”

Many people hate their parents very much. They feel that their parents cannot do this or that. They are very uncomfortable and try to reform their parents. As a result, the relationship with their parents is very tense and often conflicts. When a person feels that his parents are wrong, it means that he has projected the “wrong molecule” mask on his parents.

We think that we are right and our parents are wrong, so we try to reform our parents, showing that we have used the “right molecule” mask. Everyone makes mistakes. People who think they have been right suppress the wrong molecular mask, and then project it on others, and are hypersensitive to other people’s mistakes.

How to stop projecting?
(2) “Your brothers and sisters are also your subconscious mind”

You are all inheriting the genes of your parents, but the differences in your siblings’ personalities can be very large. This is because everyone only “inherited” one part and suppressed the other part. If you put your brothers and sisters together, you will be closer to the “family character.”

Since everyone inherits only a part, the depressing part is reflected in others, so brothers and sisters are each other’s subconscious. If the relationship between brothers and sisters is harmonious, it means that everyone accepts that they don’t have (actually depressed) but the other party has, accepts differences. If brothers and sisters are incompatible with fire and water, it means that everyone does not accept their subconscious mind.

How to stop projecting?
(3) “Your colleague is also your subconscious mind”

Unless you have no feeling for him, neither like nor hate him. If so, he is probably your subconscious. If he makes you love-hate, he must be your subconscious.

How to stop projecting?
(4) “Your enemy is also your subconscious mind”

When people project their masks that they don’t accept onto others, they will naturally reject that person like their own masks, and then reject him, hate him, and hit him. If the other person also projects a mask that he does not accept on you, the two people will meet.

In summary, “The people around you are your subconscious.” They are your substitutes, your projections, and your mirrors. They externalize your mask so that you can see yourself.

READ MORE: 7 Facts Of Projection In Relationships: Human As A Mirror

Only when you understand this can you discover that each person’s existence has brought a unique gift to oneself—”seeing the complete self”, but the way of giving the gift is different. If you can receive every gift smoothly, your life will be incredibly rich, and everyone and you will be a veritable “noble person.”

How to stop projecting?
5 rules to be a complete and true self

How to stop projecting onto others?

READ MORE: 3 Magic Steps Deal With The Projection In Relationships!

How to stop projecting?
Rule 1

Look at the inside from the outside, see yourself from others

Through others, you can know who you are

In the process of understanding the other party, unknowingly you also understand yourself. To understand his feelings and thoughts, you also understand yourself better, and you become each other’s mirror.

How to stop projecting? The people you hate are helping you. They help you understand yourself and let you discover your dark side. This is why the closer we are to a person, the easier it is to disgust, because he allows you to see who you are.

The place that others hate you most is usually the place that you can’t stand yourself the most.

How to stop projecting?
Rule 2

What kind of person you are, you will think what others are like

You can’t tolerate the part of others, you can’t tolerate the part of yourself

A person with bad character will doubt the character of others; a person who is not loyal to others will also doubt the loyalty of others to him; a person who is dishonest and dishonest will take any actions of others. Want to be crooked”-because he is that kind of person.

If you lose your temper a lot, you will think that others often make you angry, and everything may become a reason for your anger.

It’s not that everything is wrong, but you will project, you will project what is hidden within yourself onto others.

Similarly, what others say to you also reflects who they are and their inner world. They criticize you probably because they are dissatisfied with themselves, and even that they are the “type of person” they criticize.

How to stop projecting? When you gradually understand all this in your heart and move towards goodness, you will stop criticizing others and reacting to others’ criticism.

How to stop projecting?
Rule 3

What is inside you will be attracted to what kind of people

What do you reject externally, what do you reject internally

How to stop someone from projecting?

Generally speaking, those with who we get along well reflect the inner self-face that we like and accept; and those who we don’t like reflect our unpleasantness and unwillingness to accept our inner self.

When someone asks me how to improve the relationship, I always tell them:

“First you have to go deep inside. Unless your inner problems are solved first, not only will you not be able to improve, but you will also create more problems.”

It is better to teach them how to live together in harmony than to teach them to make their hearts harmonious so that they will naturally be in harmony; to teach them how to increase mutual feelings, it is better to teach them to increase self-growth, so that their relationship will naturally grow.

How to stop projecting? Everyone’s external words and deeds are manifestations of internal thoughts. If you cannot trust yourself, it is difficult to trust others; if you cannot respect yourself, it is difficult to respect others; if you cannot be sure of yourself, it is difficult to be sure of others; if you cannot illuminate yourself, it is impossible to illuminate others.

When couples hurt each other without love, I will not tell them how to love each other, but ask them to learn to love themselves first, because hurting each other is hurting themselves.

How to stop projecting?

Your relationship with everyone reflects your relationship with yourself.

Here are some questions you can self-examine:

  • “When I observe what you reflect on me, I feel…” (Feelings such as anger, fear, loss of control, confusion, etc.)
  • “Which self do you reflect on me?”

The “external” problems that plague us are precisely the parts of our “internal” that cannot be integrated.

If you want to improve everything on the outside, you must start by changing the inside.

How to stop projecting?
Rule 4

If you restrain others, you will also be restrained

The more you hate, the more restrained you are, the more you love, the more freedom you are

When you control others, you are also controlled; if you bind others, others will also bind you.

When you control others and forbid them to do this or that, what if they don’t do what you say? What will you do? You will be upset. Your emotions are determined by others. Do you think they are under your control? No, you are actually in control.

If you keep regurgitating old hurts in your memory, you have given the person and thing that caused the hurt the strength to hurt you again and again. That’s why I said that when you resent others, it means that to some extent, you also resent yourself.

How to stop projecting? How to eliminate the enemy? Turn the enemy into your friend!

You will find that the people who are the most difficult to forgive are the ones you need to forgive the most; the people who are the most difficult to let go of are the ones you need to let go the most.

How to stop projecting?
Rule 5

If you are very repulsive, it is a subject you must study

If you appreciate it, it can be transformed into love

How to stop projecting? Our main interpersonal relationship constantly reflects what the subject of the study is.

Whether it is your boss, colleague, deployment, friend, lover, spouse, or child, the personalities, ideas, and behaviors that these people have that you don’t like are often the parts you need to learn. They will reveal your shadow and repeat the words and deeds you hate over and over again for you to learn.

When someone points out your mistake, you get angry with that person, but is it his fault? No, he just helps you take out the “mouldy shadow” to bask in the sun. When others accuse you in the future, don’t attack or fight back like before. You have to start asking yourself because what they said is likely to be true. If it’s not true, why should you be so “serious”?

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— About The Writer —

Cedric S, a psychologist, and a writer from the other side of the earth. Focus on relationship psychology.

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