7 signs that marriages are beginning to break
It is said that the marriage rate is declining. However, there is a repetitive statistical data showing that 50% of first marriages ended in marriage break up. In the past 30 years, this number has not changed. Marriage break up rate is also affected by the partner’s education level, religious beliefs and many other factors. When marriage break up does happen, it will bring some difficulties to both adults and children.
For adults, marriage break up may be one of the most stressful things in life. The decision to break up marriage is often accompanied by contradictions and uncertainties about the future. If children are involved, they may be negatively affected, such as not accepting reality, feeling abandoned, feeling anger, blame, and guilt. At the same time, they will also want to reconcile their parents and take action.
Although marriage break up is necessary and the healthiest choice for some people, some people may wish to try their best to save everything that is left in their marriage. When couples encounter a marriage break up, they may wonder when it is appropriate to seek marriage counseling. Seven suitable scenarios are listed here.
1. Marriage break up-when communication has become negative
Once communication deteriorates, it is often difficult to get it back on track. Negative communication methods include anything that makes one party feel frustrated, insecure, neglected, or wants to withdraw from the conversation. It can also include the tone of the conversation. Sometimes, what matters is not always what you say, but how you say it. It is important to remember this. Negative communication includes not only any emotionally hurting communication, but also mental or physical abuse, as well as nonverbal communication.
2. Marriage break up-when one or both parties are considering cheating, or one party has already cheated
Recovery from an affair is not impossible, but it requires a lot of effort. Forgiving and moving forward requires commitment and willingness. There is no magic formula to recover from an affair. But if both parties are involved in the counseling process and remain honest, the marriage may be saved. At least, it is certain that looking forward is more beneficial to both parties.
3. Marriage break up-when the couple seems to “just live in the same place”
When couples become more like roommates than married couples, this may mean that psychological counseling is needed. This is not to say that if the couple does nothing together, they will be in trouble. If the spouses lack communication, conversation, and intimacy, or lack other elements that are important to both spouses, they begin to feel that each other is just “physically living in the same room”. This may be a sign of the need for professional help, an experienced psychology The counselor can help them find what is missing and teach them how to retrieve it.
Read more: Can I Still Have Passion In My Marriage?
4. Marriage break up-when your partner does not know how to resolve their differences
“Now you realize it. Recognizing means that the problem is half solved.”
When a couple begins to experience discord and they realize the discord, it is only half the problem.
I often hear couples say: “We know what went wrong, but we just don’t know how to solve it.” This is the best time to involve a third party. If a couple is trapped, an experienced counselor may be able to move them in the right direction.
5. Marriage break up-when one party starts to act due to negative feelings
I believe that our inner feelings will be revealed on the outside. Even if we can temporarily hide these feelings, they will eventually surface. Negative feelings, such as resentment or disappointment, can turn into painful and sometimes hurtful behaviors.
I remember a couple whose wife was deeply hurt by her husband’s improper behavior. Although she agreed to continue the relationship and work hard to solve the problem, she became very vicious. The wife will deliberately do something to make her husband think that she is unfaithful, even though she has not done so. She wants her husband to feel the same pain as hers, but this will only backfire. An experienced counselor can help couples sort out their negative feelings and find better ways to express them.
6. Marriage break up-When breaking up seems to be the only solution
When a couple disagrees or quarrels, it’s usually helpful to pause. However, when the truce turns into being away from home overnight or eventually leading to a temporary separation, this may mean that counseling is required. Running away from home usually does not solve this problem. Instead, it reinforces the idea that leaving is beneficial, often leading to more absences. When the absent party returns, the problem is still there; it’s just that the problem is often avoided due to the passage of time.
7. Marriage break up-When a couple are together just for their children
8. If a couple feels that it is wise to be together for the sake of their children, it may be helpful to have an objective third party to join. Couples usually think they are doing the right thing, but staying together is actually harmful to the child. On the contrary, if both spouses can solve the problem and move towards a positive and healthy relationship, this may be the best decision for everyone.
In my opinion, children should not be the decisive factor in a couple’s decision whether to be together. I remember working with a teenager who had trouble in school. She has some behavior problems and her grades are declining. After several consultations, she said, “I know my parents don’t really like each other.” When I asked her why, she replied, “They treat each other very well, but they never smile like my friend’s parents. Or laugh.”
Children are generally very intuitive and smart. No matter how couples think they can pretend to be happy, most children can tell.
Not all marriages can be saved. In the process of marriage counseling, some couples may find that they are healthier separately. However, for those relationships that can be saved, and for those couples who are willing to commit to this process, marriage counseling may be able to remind them why they are in love and keep them in this state.