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Intimacy In Marriage: Intimacy, But Not Intimate

“Intimacy In Marriage” is a big topic.

When we are in love, in order to strike up a conversation, we need to find opportunities to create topics. If there is resonance, we feel that we will meet each other late, and always feel that there are endless topics in this life. At that time, we wanted to squeeze more time on a date, and even if we couldn’t meet, we would try our best to make time to call or video contact. However, after entering the marriage, what was scarce in the past has become commonplace. The ardent hope in the past seemed to fade without realizing it. marriage lacks intimacy seems normal.

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Intimacy In Marriage: Intimacy, But Not Intimate

Intimacy In Marriage
1. Intimacy, not intimate

“Intimacy in couples” is a big topic.

When we are in love, in order to strike up a conversation, we need to find opportunities to create topics. If there is resonance, we feel that we will meet each other late, and always feel that there are endless topics in this life. At that time, we wanted to squeeze more time on a date, and even if we couldn’t meet, we would try our best to make time to call or video contact. However, after entering the marriage, what was scarce in the past has become commonplace. The ardent hope in the past seemed to fade without realizing it. marriage lacks intimacy seems normal.

Passion fading and returning to plainness is a very common phenomenon of emotional development, but intimacy is like boiling water on a fire. To maintain 100%, it needs to be continuously heated. Put it aside, it may be able to keep warm for a period of time, but after a long time, the water temperature will become colder and the human heart will also become colder.

When your marriage without intimacy, keeping warm for the intimate relationship requires two people to deliberately manage it together.

Of course, more and more people are now aware that we are lack of “love education”, so many families “no intimacy in marriage”. Perhaps many people don’t know what is called intimacy, how to love, or how to create intimacy. What are love and intimacy? This is actually a feeling that is difficult to explain. I share a personal perspective: intimacy is a desire to see and connect: you are willing to see this person, stare at this person, remain curious about this person, and are willing to walk into this person.

It’s like a child will naturally walk towards the family that makes them feel safe, and with a sweet smile of excitement, want to hug thighs and hold hands. This is a spontaneous emotional connection. If you remember the care, the miss, the desire to be close when you are in love, this desire is how we want to get close to this person. Of course, intimacy also means taking the risk to open the door of your heart. When the other person is knocking, you are willing to let him in, willing to be seen, and willing to be connected. Just like two Bluetooth devices are connected, both need to turn on the Bluetooth switch to connect. Interconnection of minds is a flow and presence of feelings. Only tacit understanding and love can be cultivated and risen slowly.

Perhaps many people will misunderstand that intimacy or attachment is a form of excessive dependence and clinging to others. They are afraid that opening themselves will violate their personal boundaries and occupy their personal space. There is actually a misunderstanding here. What we pursue is a kind of close interaction between safe attachment and health; this is a dynamic balance between dependence and independence. We don’t need to be symbiosis and bonding with each other all the time; of course, we don’t want the relationship to be two unrelated planets. How to find this balance requires two people to work hard together to find this mutually comfortable state.

When we say that intimacy in marriage is not close, we actually include:

  • You want to be close, but not close (maybe no one teaches you);
  • You want to be close, but you dare not be close (maybe you are afraid of feeling like this);
  • You want to be close, but you can’t be close (you know what you need and want rationally, you can’t do it.)

These all require in-depth self-exploration and reflection. If it is difficult for one person, finding a counselor is also a good way. Intimacy includes not only the intimacy with each other, but also the intimacy with oneself.

Intimacy is a dojo for growth and cultivation. In the end, you are also looking for yourself and developing a harmonious relationship with yourself.

Intimacy In Marriage
2. How to establish good intimacy in married life?

  • How to have intimacy in marriage?
  • How rebuilding intimacy in marriage?

The one thing that is most often overlooked between husband and wife is friendship, or the basic respect for each other, which, together with love and family affection, are the three basic fulcrums for maintaining a good relationship between husband and wife. Loving couples have three emotions, that is, love, affection, and friendship. In this way, the husband and wife are harmonious and the marriage is happy.

When each of us meets the person in our heart, we strive to become one with each other physically and spiritually. However, the ideal is full, but the reality is skinny. We often “forget the original intention” and “forget who I am” in a long-term relationship, and sometimes we can’t accept the real him/her. As a result, various negative energies appeared in our relationship: complaining, accusing, ridiculing, even quarreling, and making hands.

The love of each other had disappeared, and the other side in each other’s eyes became more and more ugly, and the intimate relationship was severely damaged. We want to establish and maintain a good and lasting intimacy is not impossible, as long as we are willing to act, everything is possible.

Intimacy In Marriage
(1) Be responsible to yourself

How to have intimacy in marriage?

Manage yourself, maintain a healthy lifestyle, be competent at work, know your strengths and weaknesses, work hard to overcome your shortcomings, have goals and strive to achieve them. In this way, we will find that the way to treat him/her is actually the way to treat yourself. He/she who can’t be used to it is actually like a mirror, which reflects the self who can’t be used to. Not accepting or resisting the part of him/her is actually resisting the part of the self. When you start to heal him/her with love, you will be surprised to find that not only you have met your true self, but the intimacy has also risen to unprecedented heights.

Intimacy In Marriage
(2) Know your partner

How to have intimacy in marriage?

We must understand his/her preferences, care about his/her wishes, respect his/her habits, and value his/her emotional needs. In this way, it is better to know how to entertain with him/her to make each other happier, and then to know what to do on his/her birthday or on a day that is important to him/her will increase the relationship.

Intimacy In Marriage
(3) Communication skills

How to have intimacy in marriage?

Be able to listen to the actual needs behind his/her language, share your own opinions, and be able to avoid criticism; when dealing with problems, you should reduce complaints, avoid ridicule, and be free from impatience. In addition, when facing an outsider when he/she is imperfect, try to support him/her, and when the two are alone, give him/her a better suggestion.

Intimacy In Marriage
(4) Conflict resolution ability

How to have intimacy in marriage?

When encountering a problem, you must control your emotions, discuss the matter, deal with it rationally, reach a certain agreement with him/her, establish a more favorable relationship, and be willing to forgive him/her and apologize to him/her when needed it is good.

Intimacy In Marriage
(5) Sex and romance

How to have intimacy in marriage?

We must pay attention to his/her sexual satisfaction and take time to be intimate with him/her. We have to create a romantic atmosphere such as candlelight, flower shadow, moonlight for him/her, pay attention to the image on our bed, and remain attractive to him/her at all times. Because sex is a right, enjoyment, participation in the body and mind, and a way of flirting.

Intimacy In Marriage
(6) Stress management

How to have intimacy in marriage?

Love is beautiful, it is not easy to get along, and the intimate relationship needs us to cherish with him/her. Use nature, food, gifts, and even the moments of happiness at any time to increase intimacy and cope with the pressures of life together.

How to have intimacy in marriage?

Traditionally speaking, the destiny given to women by society is marriage. Most women today are still married, married, ready to get married, or distressed because they are not married.

The definition of a single woman comes from marriage, whether she has been frustrated, rebelled, or even cares nothing about this system.

The economic evolution of women’s status is shaking up the marriage system. Marriage has become a union that is freely approved by two independent individuals; the spouse’s contract is personal and mutual; for both parties, cheating is a breach of marriage. Divorce can be reached by both parties under the same conditions.

Women are no longer restricted by the fertility function. This function loses most of the nature of natural slavery. It appears as a voluntary burden; and it is assimilated with productive labor, because in many cases the rest required for pregnancy During the time, the state or the employer must pay the mother a salary.

How to have intimacy in marriage?

The era in which we live, from a feminist point of view, is still a transitional period. Only some women participate in production, and even they belong to a society where the ancient structure and ancient values still survive.

Marriage has always been manifested in completely different ways for men and women.

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— About The Writer —

I am Cedric S, a psychologist, and a writer from the other side of the earth. Focus on:

1. Relationship: dating/chatting/breaking up

2. Psychology: relationship/marriage psychology

3. Sex Science

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