TOPIC OF THIS ARTICLE: How to save your marriage
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How can i save my marriage? If marriage is toxic, or physical or emotional abuse, please note that this is by no means a relationship that can be saved. So how to save your marriage? In fact, experiencing abusive or toxic behavior in your relationship should point to your exit.
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Toxic or abusive relationships are not only bad, but harmful – for you, for your children, and for your future.
As for whether marriage can be saved, first ask yourself why you think your marriage is bad? Is it because you and your partner often fight? Do you have a grudge against your spouse? Do you hate your partner’s bad behavior?
How to save a marriage from divorce? While none of these may point to a “bad” marriage, they are undoubtedly part of a relationship that couples can maintain.
How to save your marriage in 7 steps
How do you save your marriage when you feel desperate?
Most of my clients are couples who come to counseling and feel long-term anger at their spouse and despair at the challenges their relationship faces. Many people are on the verge of divorce. By the end of the consultation, they had created a long and beautiful marriage.
Here are seven steps for couples who want to save their marriage.
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How to save your marriage? 1. Make a list of all the problems you quarrel or feel hopeless about.
Anger doesn’t mean it’s time to fight. Hopelessness doesn’t mean you should give up saving your marriage and divorce. Anger and hopelessness do indicate that there is a problem and that there is an obstacle to your marriage.
So first ask yourself, “what makes me angry or desperate?”
Make a list of all the issues you’ve been debating or giving up. Include questions on your list that are related to your spouse, as well as those that annoy and frustrate you.
How to save your marriage? 2. Turn your attention to yourself.
How to save a marriage when only one is trying? Notice that when you’re angry, your attention tends to focus on your spouse, focusing on what she or he did or didn’t do to make you feel frustrated. This second step requires a shift of focus from focusing outward on your spouse to focusing inward on your own concerns and desires.
Go back to your list and ask yourself, “what do I want about this question?” Or, “what do I care about?”
Make sure you’re not writing about what you want your spouse to do differently. If you’ve been writing “I hope he…”, you haven’t diverted your attention. List only phrases that begin with “I want to…”.
For example, write “I hope they don’t mess up and clean themselves” and focus on your spouse. Write like this: “I want to find a way to make the space I spend time in, such as the kitchen and our living room, more tidy and orderly”, focusing on yourself.
Trying to change your partner can only lead to defensive psychology. This strategy will get you nothing.
Instead, use your energy to figure out what you want and get it in a different way, to be “self-centered” in the best sense. When spouses see that they can get what they want in different ways, they make progress in saving the relationship.
You can also use visualization techniques to help you implement the first two steps. Imagination allows you to close your eyes and see more deeply the thoughts and understanding of your subconscious mind.
How to save your marriage? 3. Eliminate negative emotions.
How to save a marriage when only one is trying? The negative garbage you give each other is totally unhelpful.
Negative comments on each other can only damage a positive relationship. So stop criticizing, complaining, blaming, accusing, angry, sarcastic, sarcastic or sarcastic. Don’t raise your voice or anger. Keep calm.
If any of you start to get heated, you should get out of the argument as soon as possible. Calm down so that when you come into contact again, you will only talk calmly and cooperatively.
If the ratio of good interaction to bad interaction is 5:1, then the marriage is usually sustainable.
But do you want to survive or thrive? If it’s your goal to thrive, aim for one in a million. That means don’t splash dirty water.
How to save your marriage? 4. Express your concerns constructively and make decisions cooperatively.
An easy way to stay constructive in sensitive conversations is to pick from the following three groups of potential sentence beginnings.
“I’m worried about…”
Understanding each other’s concerns is crucial for both of you to start what I call a win-win waltz.
The goal of win-win waltz is to achieve a solution that satisfies both of you. Don’t aim to achieve your goals. It’s about making both of you happy with your plan of action.
To do a win-win waltz, notice the difference between you, which may become apparent when you start arguing or feel hopeless. Express your potential concerns. Ask and list your partner’s concerns. Have empathy with your spouse.
Then, make an action plan to respond to the concerns of both of you.
How to save your marriage? 5. Eliminate the three factors that destroy marriage.
How to save a marriage when only one is trying? Extramarital affairs, addiction and excessive anger – needless to say, I’m sure you know it’s a disruptive factor. They are not allowed in a healthy marriage.
If you’re addicted to one of these relationship breaking habits, take it out of your life. If your spouse is the one with problems, it may be a mistake to try to learn how to save the marriage.
Either build a new marriage so that these things don’t happen, or end the marriage.
How to save your marriage? 6. Fundamentally increase the positive energy you share with your partner.
Smile more, hug more, have more sex, appreciate more, spend more time thinking about where you like each other, help each other more, praise each other more, smile more; More agreement; Do more fun things together and start paying more attention to each other.
The best things in life are free. The more positive you give, the more you get.
How to save your marriage? 7. Back to the basics.
Learn the skills needed for a successful marriage.
So how to save your marriage? Do you want to drive without training? Find some books and courses on marriage and learn the communication and conflict resolution skills of marriage partnership.
You will find that your anger and despair are gone, helping you turn your marriage into a success of love.
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