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(1) Triangulation of relationship 1: diagnose the health of love relationship and learn to manage love.
Robert J. Sternberg, a social psychologist at Yale University in the United States, puts forward the triangle theory of love, which holds that love consists of three basic components: passion, intimacy and commitment. Passion is an element of love and an emotional fascination; Intimacy refers to the warm experience that can be aroused in a love relationship; Commitment refers to the decision, promise or guarantee to maintain a relationship.
The principle of triangulation in basic relations is as follows
Sternberg put forward the triangle theory of love on the basis of a large number of literature review and empirical research by using the research methods of quantitative analysis and qualitative analysis. According to this theory, the psychological construction of love has three components, which are vividly compared to the apex of love triangle.
Triangulation in relationships 1.
Intimacy refers to the emotion that can promote the experience of closeness, affiliation and combination in a love relationship. In other words, it can cause a warm experience. The results show that (Sternberg & grajek, 1984; Sternberg, 1986), which includes the following contents:
(1) The desire to improve the welfare of loved ones;
(2) Experience happiness with the people you love;
(3) Pay close attention to the people you love;
(4) You can count on your loved ones when you need help;
(5) Mutual understanding;
(6) Share one’s self and one’s all;
(7) Accept emotional support from loved ones;
(8) Provide emotional support to the person you love;
(9) Be able to communicate with people you love;
(10) Value each other’s value in your life. This element proposed by Si also widely exists in the deeper friendship.
Triangulation in relationships (2) passion refers to the drive, which can lead to romantic love
Body attraction, sexual perfection, and other related phenomena in love relationship. In other words, this component is the arousal source of various motivations and other forms of arousal source that can cause passion experience in love relationship. It includes a state of intense desire to be one with another. In the love relationship, the sexual need is the leading form of this passion experience. In addition, according to Smith, the needs such as self-esteem, parenting, affinity, domination, obedience and self realization are also the sources of arousal.
Triangulation in relationships (3) decision / commitment has two meanings:
01. In the short term, it means that one person has made a decision to love another person;
02. In the long run, it refers to the commitment or guarantee, devotion, loyalty, sense of duty or responsibility that can maintain the love relationship. However, these two aspects do not necessarily exist at the same time. The decision of love does not necessarily mean loyalty to it; Similarly, loyalty does not necessarily mean making a decision. In reality, many people actually take on the psychological love for another person, but they may not admit it, let alone make any decisions. However, whether in time or logic, most of the cases are that the decisive element takes precedence over the loyal element. This component is roughly equivalent to what we Chinese people often say, such as “Mountain Alliance and sea oath”, “everlasting”, “loyalty”, but it does not refer to behavior, but only refers to cognition (cognition).
Passion, intimacy and commitment constitute seven different types of love
Triangulation in relationships 01. Love like
Only intimacy, no passion or commitment, like friendship. Obviously, friendship is not love, like is not love. However, it is possible for friendship to develop into love, even though some people lose their friendship because they can’t fall in love.
Triangulation in relationships 02. Infatuated love
Only passion, no intimacy and commitment, such as first love. The first love is always full of passion, but less mature and steady. It is a kind of green and astringent activity guided by instinct.
Triangulation in relationships 03. Empty love
Only commitment, lack of intimacy and passion, such as pure love for marriage. This kind of “love” looks plump, but lacks the necessary content.
Triangulation in relationships 04. Romantic love
There is only passion and intimacy, no commitment, this kind of “love” advocates the process, does not care about the result.
Triangulation in relationships 05. Companion love
Only intimacy and commitment, no passion. Similar to empty love, can love without passion be called love? This refers to a stable marriage with only rights, obligations and no feelings.
Triangulation in relationships 06. Stupid love
Only passion and commitment, no intimacy. Passion without intimacy is at best a physical impulse, and commitment without intimacy is nothing but a blank check.
Triangulation in relationships 07. Perfect love
It contains passion, commitment and intimacy. Only in this type can we see the true face of love.
The first element: Intimacy
Intimacy is a kind of intimate and warm experience between two people. In short, it can bring people a warm feeling experience. Intimacy consists of 10 basic elements
Triangulation in relationships 01. Desire to promote the happiness of the loved.
The lover takes care of the loved one actively and promotes his / her happiness. On the one hand, they may promote the happiness of the other at the cost of their own happiness – but they also expect the other to do the same when necessary.
Triangulation in relationships 02. Be happy with the loved one.
Lovers like to be with their lovers.
Triangulation in relationships 03. They all feel happy.
When they do things together, they all feel very happy and leave good memories. The memory of these good times can be a consolation and strength of difficult times. What’s more, the shared good times will flow into the relationship and make it better.
Triangulation in relationships 04. Respect each other.
Lovers must value and respect each other very much. Although lovers may be aware of each other’s weaknesses, they can not reduce their overall respect for each other. Be able to rely on each other in difficult times. In times of adversity, the lover still feels the other side standing with him. In times of crisis, the Irish side can call each other and count on each other to help each other in the same boat.
Triangulation in relationships 05. Understand each other with the loved one.
Lovers should understand each other. They know their own advantages and disadvantages, understand each other’s feelings and emotions, and know how to respond to each other in a corresponding way.
Triangulation in relationships 06. Share self and possession with the loved one.
The lover should be willing to give himself, his time and his things to the beloved. Although it is not necessary for everything to become a common property, both parties should share their financial affairs when necessary, and most importantly, share their self.
Triangulation in relationships 07. Accept emotional support from the loved one.
The loving side can get encouragement and support from the beloved side and feel refreshed, especially in times of adversity. When you feel as if everything is against you, you realize that there’s only one thing that won’t go wrong – your spouse is always with you. Then you know that your relationship has this factor.
Triangulation in relationships 08. Give emotional support to the loved one.
In adversity, the lover and the beloved should be in spiritual communion and give emotional support.
Triangulation in relationships 09. Communicate with the loved one.
The lover can communicate with the beloved deeply and honestly, and share the deep feelings. When you feel embarrassed about something you’ve done, you can still talk to the loved one heart to heart. That’s what you experience.
Triangulation in relationships 10. Cherish the beloved.
The lover should fully feel the importance of the other party in the common life. When you realize that your spouse is more important than all your material wealth, you will know that you have this kind of treasure and treasure for the loved one.
Second element passion
Passion is a kind of “strong desire to combine with each other.”. Generally speaking, it means that when you meet each other, you will feel a thrilling feeling. When you get along with each other, you will have an exciting experience. The need of sex is the leading form of arousing passion, and other self-esteem, care, belonging, domination and obedience are also the sources of arousing passion experience.
The third element: commitment
Commitment consists of two aspects: short-term and long-term.
Triangulation in relationships 01. In the short term, we should make a decision whether to love someone or not.
Triangulation in relationships 02. In the long run, it is to make a commitment to maintain this love relationship, including loyalty to love and sense of responsibility. It’s “I do!” in the vow, It’s a commitment to share weal and woe until death. It’s not necessarily both. For example, you decide to love someone, but you are not necessarily willing to take responsibility or make a commitment; Or decide to love him / her all his life, but not necessarily say it.
Intimacy can be seen as the emotional involvement in the relationship, not the whole; Passion can be seen as most, but not all, of the motivational involvement in a relationship;
Commitment can be seen as most, but not all, of cognitive decisions and loyalty in relationships “(Sternberg).
Intimacy is “warm”, passion is “warm”, and commitment is “calm”.
It can be seen that the word “component” used by Sternberg here does not refer to the psychological process, but to say that human love can be described and distinguished from the above three aspects, or simply called three dimensions seems more appropriate. According to the amount of these three elements in love, human love relationship can be divided into eight types.
Different love can be described by different shapes and sizes of triangles, that is, the area of the triangle represents the amount of love, and the shape of the triangle represents the relative relationship between the three components of love. Equilateral triangles represent balanced love, because the vertices representing each component are equidistant from the center of gravity of the triangle. Equilateral triangle represents unbalanced love, which vertex has the longest distance from the triangle center of gravity indicates that it is the dominant component; Which vertex has the shortest distance to the center of gravity of the triangle indicates the deficiency or lack of the component. This is the basic triangle principle of the theory.
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