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Soulmate Love: 3 Truths You Never Know

What is Soulmate Love?

Do we need Soulmate Love?

Can Soulmate Love make us happy?

In the chasing game of emotions, few people have the bargaining chip to win, and more people have doubts. American dramas throw out these doubts, let us see a pair of vacillating men and women, but they did not answer. “Soulmates are real?”

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Soulmate Love Is Not Equal To A Perfect Partner

Soulmate Love
– I met Plato soulmates after marriage, what would you do –

If one day, you only need to do a test to find the perfect partner, would you do it? What if you are married, have children, and have grandchildren? The American drama explored such a situation.

In 2023, “Soul Unicom” will help thousands of people find Soulmate Love, including Nicole’s neighbors, elder brothers, friends, customers…

Nicole watched the people around her find Soulmate Love, life was extremely happy, but she worries about the two children all day, love has long been wiped out by a feather.

In a ghostly manner, she filled out the “Soulmate Love” test without telling her husband and children, and the system matched her with the perfect partner – not her current husband, but another man.

Nicole doesn’t want to cheat, but Soulmate Love is too perfect. In contrast, the life in front of her is embarrassing. She plucked up the courage to confess the test to her husband, but she didn’t expect her husband to tell her that she had found Soulmate Love without telling her, which made her feel relieved.

— At this moment, the picture changed, and the husband did not take the test. He noticed that Nicole was abnormal recently, and he lied just to make her relax.

This is a story about “Soulmate Love”, but it contains the core of “love” and “loyalty”.

  • What is Soulmate Love?
  • Do we need Soulmate Love?
  • Can Soulmate Love / True Love make us happy?

In the chasing game of emotions, few people have the bargaining chip to win, and more people have doubts. American dramas throw out these doubts, let us see a pair of vacillating men and women, but they did not answer. “Soulmates are real?”

Today, I want to answer questions from a psychological perspective, analyze the deep core of “Soulmate Love” and the story about “love” hidden behind it.

Soulmate Love
1. What is Soulmate Love?

Thomas Moore defined “Soulmate Love” in “Soulmate Love: Commemorating the Mystery of Love and Relationship” as: the natural tendency of human beings to form attachment. It drives us to find someone who can best enrich our lives and satisfy our emotions.

The “soul” of the thinking level contains all kinds of attachments, including hometown, childhood, parents, achievements, failures, education, etc. The so-called “soul relationship” is actually brought about by these attachments, a broad tendency to love, which leads us to find a “like-minded” person who has the same tendency to love as we do.

We take it for granted that such a partner who hits it off is the so-called “Soulmate Love”.

Is it really?

Love may be eternal, but life will make individuals become commonplace. Some purely emotional components, such as passion, loyalty, and trust, can effectively maintain feelings, but they are often worn out by life.

After the emotional component weakens, the intimacy is as pale as water. We are bored and don’t want to continue this relationship, but we have to continue because of the reality, which creates a lot of pressure and upset.

In order to relieve stress, we sometimes blame the “wrong person” and “married the wrong person”. The spouse is not “Soulmate Love”, so it is so bad.

The subtext is: If I find Soulmate Love, I will be happy.

Psychologists dedicated to the study of “Soulmate Love” questioned this.

Richardson believes that Soulmate Love is not just the other half of fate, it will occasionally bring earth-shaking trauma to your life, and even drive you crazy.

Just like the men in “Soulmate Love”, they find “Soulmate Love” through high-tech. They believe that each other is a “made-in-place pair”, ignoring the mediocre wear and tear brought about by life, and knowing each other for a week without the basis of feelings. Decided to flash marriage.

So after getting married, he became angry because his partner had more sexual experience than himself. The two had a big fight and broke up.

He asked Nicole: Why did I find Soulmate Love, or would I quarrel like a normal couple?

This is because, although “Soulmate Love” makes you feel that you have an extraordinary connection, and your understanding of each other surpasses everyone, as if you have known each other in your previous life, but in the final analysis, you are two completely different individuals.

There are many overlaps between you and your partner, but they are limited. Your past experiences, the way your parents get along, the environment of your childhood growth, and the traumas that are hidden deep in your heart.

You can’t notice it, and neither can your partner.

Freud believes that human psychology is like an iceberg, 10% of which is exposed to the surface of the water, which is the character traits that we can consciously get; 90% of which is below the surface of the water, is our subconscious mind that we know nothing about.

This leads to a result: You think that the other person is “the other you in the world”, but in fact, he is only similar to you in some way, and you have completely different subconscious minds.

You are so different, those common problems in close relationships will not be very kind to you just because you are “Soulmate Love”.

Soulmate Love
2. Soulmate Love is not equal to a perfect partner

L.R.Borbon is an expert in psychology. In the document “Psychology finally reveals the answer to Soulmate Love” he proposed that finding a perfect partner for the rest of his life is the desire of all social animals.

The lioness longs for the strongest offspring, the female bird longs for the strongest nest, and humans long for the most matching lover. Mammals have an inherent “compatibility” for finding their other half, as if they bring their mate-choosing darts, aiming at the most pleasing mate, and attacking precisely.

This compatibility is a kind of mate selection tendency developed by organisms in order to relieve the tension of survival and the crisis of natural selection. It’s too hard to live on your own. Hanging around with others to keep warm will give you more safety and comfort on the one hand, and on the other hand, it can ease the tension and crisis of survival.

In a state of tension, our attachment to other people has separated again: we want to hug each other for warmth, and we are afraid of being rejected and hurt by the group. The so-called “Soulmate Love” is compensation for tension. It makes us superstitious: as long as we find a perfect match, we can be safe and happy without injury and pain. (but we never know how to attract your soulmate)

But in fact, powerful offspring may die, strong nests may be destroyed, and matched lovers may change their hearts. “Soulmate Love” meets your needs at this moment, but in the future, he/she may not always be compatible with you.

Dr. Ted Hudson of the University of Texas conducted a longitudinal study of couples who have been married for many years and found a surprising fact: those unhappy couples and happy couples have no compatibility. the difference.

For happy couples, “character incompatibility” is not a problem at all. They tend to think that although their personalities are incompatible, they themselves can make the relationship warm and happy;

But for unhappy couples, “character incompatibility” is a big problem. They tend to think that the “three views” are extremely important to marriage. Sadly, they all feel that their spouse does not match them.

Dr. Ted Hudson explained: When an unhappy couple complains that “spouse is not my true love soulmate”, what he/she really wants to express is: We don’t get along well.

This is the problem of “compatibility”: every unhappy couple will attribute the cause to superficial compatibility. They do not realize that a successful relationship does not depend on how attractive the couple is to each other, on the contrary, It depends on reason, and the willpower to “want to maintain this relationship”.

Just as the data from the International Happiness Survey shows: “arranged marriages” are more lasting and happy than free love. These happy couples did not look for the “next better” or someone who is more suitable for them in their eyes but chose to stick to their promises and stick to their hearts.

To find a partner who can spend a lifetime together, the focus is on “to live together” rather than “soul”. “Soul relationship” does not mean eternal intimacy.

When you are already in a marriage, but suddenly meet what you think is “Soulmate Love”, please ask yourself first, in the long years to come, this person will be compatible with your current partner compared to your current partner. Does sex make a huge difference? Or your intentions for your current partner are already different from when you were about to spend a lifetime together.

We know that the relationship between people is full of complex variables. Compatibility tests such as personality and thought cannot truly predict the length of a relationship.

However, when a couple is determined to continue their marriage, no matter what happens, they will go on for a long time.

Because of the difference between rationality and willpower, “Soulmate Love” may be abandoned halfway and part ways; “Non-Soulmate Love” may be a perfect match and hold hands for a lifetime.

If this is the full definition of “Soulmate Love“, does it disappoint you?

Don’t worry, there is another explanation.

Soulmate Love
3. Another possibility of Soulmate Love

There is a high probability that we will meet many Soulmate Loves in our life. They may be your teachers, classmates, bosses, colleagues, friends, passers-by…

When you meet them, you may be single, married, married, childbearing, divorced…

If you are superstitious about “Soulmate Love”, they will give you a very headache. Because every time a “Soulmate Love” appears, it will tempt you to end the current intimate relationship and start another relationship with another person.

Since Plato first proposed that “Soulmate Love” is “the other half of a person”, just like Adam and his ribs Eve, the current general view of “Soulmate Love” is often summarized as “two socks that have been lost in a foreign country. Go back to a pair”.

However, a news report from the Center for Psychology pointed out that treating spouses as “Soulmate Love” and holding the concept of “two socks in pairs” believes that there are people who have a natural partner in this world, and they are more likely to be dissatisfied with intimacy.

Whenever a conflict arises, they will think: “If I am with Soulmate Love, how can trouble still occur?” In order to put a red cross on the intimacy, draw a rest.

Tracing back to the source, they just use “Soulmate Love” as an excuse to cover up the lack of love behind the relationship, so they always look for “Soulmate Love” in intimacy without realizing:

Soulmate Love is not limited to intimate relationships.

Debbie Nagioff pointed out in a paper: Real Soulmate Love may be the most important person you meet. They may not stay on you, but they will push down your cognitive walls and wake you up.

Living with Soulmate Love can be a very painful thing, because they enter your life just to show you the other side of you, teach you something, and then leave.

They may be your friends, teachers, colleagues, bosses, and there is no close relationship between you, but they are very important to you, better than your partner.

For example, in the movie “Spider-Man”, the young Spider-Man can’t find his direction in life. He meets Tony Stark, who is also a teacher and friend and is guided to become a member of the Avengers. After Stark’s death, Spider-Man inherited Stark’s spirit and became one of the new leaders of the Avengers.

There is no doubt that Stark is the Soulmate Love of Spider-Man. They are linked together from the soul level, but this is not an intimate relationship.

This kind of soul relationship is called “Twin” by Debbie Nagioff. She believes that the “twin” Soulmate Love is necessary for spiritual growth, but once it grows, this relationship completes its mission.

They come to you just to give you a lesson, and when the lesson is over, you will go your separate ways.

In addition to “twins”, Soulmate Love can also be an individual’s state, which has nothing to do with interpersonal relationships.

John Alex Clark founded “Relational Psychology” to investigate how many Americans believe in Soulmate Love, and found that the older they are, the fewer the believers.

Didn’t they find Soulmate Love? No, they just don’t believe in the concept of “Soulmate Love” anymore.

When they were young, they also looked for “Soulmate Love”; when they were old, they discovered that the best Soulmate Love is actually the positive belief of “I believe I deserve to be loved”.

After the age of 50, people’s psychological development has entered the later stages of adulthood. If you lack a positive belief that “I deserve to be loved”, you will feel disappointed and regret the old things. With this positive belief, you will feel “no regrets in your life.” In the process of looking back on the past, they felt honored for themselves.

This positive belief gives mankind the ability to pursue it bravely, knowing that intimacy is hurting. If there really is a “soul” in this world, then this positive belief of “I love you, but I love myself more” is the soul in the intimate relationship.

Internet media amplifies the aura of “Soulmate Love” and equates it with “True Love”, but in fact, it is just an illusory concept, a result of a hypothetical idea. If you separate this result, you will get a lot of reality. Parts that can never be satisfied.

It’s like a jigsaw with missing pieces, reminding you that your life is full of deficiencies, and it seems to point out a clear way for your bad life: you are in pain, it is not your fault, but your bad luck. As long as you are lucky and find Soulmate Love, you will be happy.

But if you really do this, you will find that this is a dead-end. Because the jigsaw of life is full of incompleteness, perfection is the norm, perfection is a dream. People who live in dreams cannot handle the intimacy in reality.

The jigsaw pieces you are looking for do not actually exist, which is unacceptable. But who stipulates that life must be perfect? In the billions of people in this world, few couples find “Soulmate Love”, but there are far more happy couples. Even without “Soulmate Love”, you can still be happy.

At the beginning of an intimate relationship, you will go all out to maintain it; at the end of an intimate relationship, you will earnestly learn from experience and grow.

You can’t find a piece of the puzzle that doesn’t exist, but you can make it out. Experience and growth are the jigsaw pieces of your life, as long as you move forward, work tirelessly, and look back, they will be at your feet.

It is not that you have not found “Soulmate Love” and you have not lived in vain, but you have not lived your life in vain, and you have the opportunity to create a “soul-level relationship.”

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— About The Writer —

I am Cedric S, a psychologist, and a writer from the other side of the earth. Focus on:

1. Relationship: dating/chatting/breaking up

2. Psychology: relationship/marriage psychology

3. Sex Science

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