Signs he doesn’t love himself: Why do people hate themselves?
Self-loathing feels like having someone following you around all day, criticizing you, pointing out every flaw, and shaming you for every mistake. It can make you feel bad.
Typical self-loathing thoughts might include.
“I know you’re going to fail.”
“Why are you trying?”
“You’re a loser.”
“No one wants to be around you.”
“You screw up everything.”
So why do people hate themselves?
Signs he doesn’t love himself: Why do they only focus on the flaws and just refuse to like themselves?
Individual psychology Adler has no problem pointing out that it’s probably deliberately caused by yourself.
The inability to accept your “dark side” is due to the fear of not being loved. And the so-called freedom is to allow yourself to be hated.
So what exactly does a person do to have the courage to be hated?
Stop living in the pain of the past
Signs he doesn’t love himself: People, it’s easy to keep living in the past.
But in order to change yourself, you must first cut the psychological shackles caused by past misfortunes.
The classic Freudian theory of “cause theory” believes that human suffering is caused by past trauma, and the past is the cause of our present misfortune.
Adler, on the other hand, believes that past experiences have an inevitable impact on people. But whether or not we let it determine our lives is a choice we can make on our own.
“Past experiences do not determine our present life; what really determines our life is precisely the way we look at the past.”
Even, some misfortunes and pains are just excuses we make to achieve the purpose of avoiding change.
Signs he doesn’t love himself: Your parents hurt you as a child, and you will likely hurt them in various visible or invisible ways when you grow up.
For example, studying a major they don’t like, finding someone they don’t see as a significant other, doing a job they despise and don’t approve of.
The biggest “revenge” against them is to hurt yourself.
Make yourself a very unhappy life.
“Look, it’s because of you guys that I am the way I am.”
This motivation may be buried deep in a person’s subconscious.
Indeed, parenting styles greatly influence and set the picture of how we grow up throughout our lives. And, what happened in the past is never your fault. But what Adler firmly emphasizes on this basis is that.
People, are free from the dictates of the past.
Signs he doesn’t love himself: All external causes, such as environment, family of origin, and the influence of individual people, are what Adler calls “external causality”.
In other words, “We only blame others or circumstances for our problems in order to escape our current state.”
The only way to get change or healing from the past is to make your purpose strong enough.
Read more: What Does Being In Love Mean: Is Happy?
Do you really want to be happy?
Do you really want to change?
If so, no matter how bad your past is and how much it has affected you, it will not be a determining factor in your ability to be happy and successful.
Signs he doesn’t love himself: What matters is whether you see yourself intentionally sinking deeper into your past misfortunes as a way to avoid the psychological motivation to change.
Stop creating flaws for yourself.
“All of life’s troubles can be attributed to relationships.”
Signs he doesn’t love himself: Tangled interpersonal relationships are the heaviest shackles of modern society. It is in the midst of this that people develop “inferiority complex”.
Adler says that people who strongly dislike themselves originally have the purpose of “I don’t want to like myself”.
Signs he doesn’t love himself: Many people who hate themselves and feel worthless have difficulty communicating with the outside world.
This is because they subconsciously make up their minds that:
I won’t get hurt if I don’t get in touch with anyone.
Do I hate myself because I want to hate myself?
According to Adler, yes.
Signs he doesn’t love himself: The reason you only see your own flaws is because you have made up your mind not to like yourself. Because of the fear of being rejected by others, of being hated by others, of being hurt in relationships, of being belittled or rejected by others.
Therefore, you create and emphasize your own shortcomings.
In a way, it is a strong self-protection mechanism.
“I hated myself before you hated me. So you hating me becomes justified and something I can accept.”
Signs he doesn’t love himself: You can then comfort yourself that it’s because I have such flaws that people don’t like me.
I have an average body and average looks. So you hate me as you should.
I can’t talk and I’m too introverted. You hate me as you should.
I am strong and not gentle enough. You hate me as you should.
I have low education and poor ability. You hate me, as you should.
By means of these “shortcomings”, we can escape from all kinds of human relationships.
Signs he doesn’t love himself: Deep down we never hate ourselves because of one or two flaws, but we deliberately seek and magnify our bad points in order to avoid “not changing”.
It is important that you see past this purpose in order to truly stop self-loathing.
I’m Jocelyn, and I hope you will all meet someone who loves you. If you have emotional problems, you can ask me for advice. If you are single, maybe you can meet him/her on Bothlive.