Everyone has their own Love Energy. The famous American psychoanalyst Erich Fromm pointed out in the book “The Art of Love Energy,” that many people now have a misunderstanding about Love Energy: they believe that Love Energy does not need Learning, as long as you find an object of Love Energy, you can easily get happiness; they think that Love Energy is a question of how to get other people’s Love Energy.
Fromm believes that Love Energy is a kind of initiative of people and an ability that can be improved through learning.
This concept of Love Energy coincides with Barbara Angelis, a well-known personal growth mentor in the United States. In her book “How to Improve the Ability of Love Energy”, Barbara gave us a specific explanation of ways to improve the ability of Love Energy, with the purpose of letting us feel the true meaning of Love Energy and harvest a happy marriage.
The book mainly teaches us how to regain the joy of life with full of passion, understand the expression of Love Energy, how to keep love for Love Energy, and how to grow up in Love Energy.
The secret of creating happiness and happiness is passion; in dedication, obtain true Love Energy; in practice, improve the ability of Love Energy.
Barbara said in the book’s introduction that this is a book about reflecting on passion, the purpose of which is to help us take it seriously and re-examine our passions in life in a way that we may never have before. Being able to realize the self-confidence, self-reliance and self-improvement that one has longed for provides a new possibility.
Intimacy means that two people feel close, willing to share and communicate together, and gain emotional and material support from each other through self-expression. The emotion of two people means that their hearts are getting closer and closer, and there is a feeling of belonging to each other.
Passion, refers to the passion of motivation, is the strong impulse to be united with the other party. Like falling in love with someone at first sight.
Commitment, including all the decisions made by two people for Love Energy, can be a short-term commitment to decide Love Energy, or a long-term commitment to maintain a relationship. The most typical long-term commitment is marriage.
Here I want to say that, according to Sternberg’s Love Energy triangle theory, although Barbara did not emphasize the importance of intimacy, she explained that the content of passion and commitment serves the goal of intimacy.
In other words, the passion and commitment that Barbara emphasizes is aimed at gaining intimacy. In short, passion and commitment represent our “sincerity”, that is, willing to feel, willing to go to Love Energy, and willing to contribute to Love Energy.
Love Energy is the foundation of marriage. The foundation is to give, and both parties wish to give for each other, so that the marriage can be kept fresh.
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1. First, give time.
Barbara suggested that we find at least one moment every day so that we can fully express our passion for Love Energy, and then try to find more opportunities every day to make each other’s passion moments more and more, one after another.
For many married couples, they will feel that they are old and old, and there is no need for passion and romance. In fact, the secret of marriage preservation is to keep the passion. For example, the husband and wife can consciously look for some fresh feelings in the daily firewood, rice, oil and salt, go to the vegetable market together, cook together, watch TV together, etc. “Together” time can all become passionate moments.
2. Second, give yourself.
To give yourself means to be able to show your true self in front of the other person.
The true self includes the good and the bad. However, many people do not want others to know their shortcomings or shortcomings, so they like to show their good side. Such people still want to hide their “dark side” in the process of getting along with their partners, so it is difficult to let the other person go. Enter your heart, because of the deep Love Energy, you must have experienced in-depth understanding. Just like those who are afraid of crying in front of their partners, they must not be intimate enough with each other.
This is what Barbara said, Love Energy always needs great courage. It wants you to overcome your fears, remove your guard and disguise in front of the people of Love Energy, open your heart frankly to each other, and show your most private hiding place.” It can be seen that the true Love Energy must dare to give up yourself. .
3. Again, give Love Energy.
When we spend time and ourselves for our partner, we will naturally give Love Energy. To be a true Love Energy, you will care about your partner, care for each other’s relationship with your heart, and at the same time treat yourself with your heart.
As Barbara said: “True Love Energy, time appears when you and your partner focus on each other wholeheartedly; when you are engrossed in each other’s Love Energy; appear when you experience the relationship between you attentively What happens, no matter what it is; it appears when you extend your heart’s tentacles to each other and allow Love Energy to flow naturally. Or you can make breakfast, you can make it a Love Energy time, because doing What matters is not important. What matters is how hard you are doing these things. This is the key to whether your process of doing things can become a time of Love Energy.”
In short, the essence of Love Energy is to give, including giving time, giving yourself and giving Love Energy.
Fromm also believes that “giving Love Energy is happier than receiving Love Energy, not because it is a kind of deprivation, but because the act of giving expresses the existence of my life.” Yes, we are giving Love Energy In the process, we can experience our own strength, wealth and abilities. More importantly, this experience of improving vitality and potential fills our hearts with joy.
As mentioned earlier, Love Energy is an ability that can be learned, and the key to mastering this ability is practice. Fromm wrote in the first chapter of the book “The Art of Love Energy”: “Just as life is an art; if we want to learn how to love Energy, we must be like we want to learn any other art-for example Music, painting, sculpture, medicine, or engineering technology-start the same thing all the time.”
To improve the ability of Love Energy and have a happy marriage, we must start with our own practice.
02. Love Energy-Learn to express emotion with your eyes.
We often say that the eyes are the window of the soul, and our deep Love Energy for our partners can also be conveyed through the eyes.
First of all, choose a place to ensure that each other will not be disturbed or distracted; then take your partner’s hand, slowly relax your eyes, imagine everything you see through each other’s eyes, imagine each other’s various experiences filled with Love Energy Things; Finally, while breathing the air of Love Energy, staring into each other’s eyes, feeling the Love Energy in each other’s eyes. It takes more practice to use the gaze of Love Energy well, so as to overcome inner tension or unnaturalness, or even resistance, because the more practice, the more relaxed, and relaxation will allow us to discover and taste the sweetness of each other’s Love Energy.