Do you know what kind of influence Levels of commitment in relationships have on relationships? Psychologist Robert J. Sternberg believes that a happy and long-term relationship needs to contain three factors at the same time: intimacy, passion and Levels of commitment in relationships. What we are going to talk about today is the “Levels of commitment in relationships” part of the three elements. research shows:
Levels of commitment in relationships will affect whether people maintain a relationship. In addition, if the two parties in the relationship have stronger Levels of commitment in relationships, their relationship quality will be higher, they will be better able to adapt to changes in the relationship, and they are more inclined to choose not to break up when encountering difficulties. Even the Levels of commitment in relationships in a relationship can predict the stability of the partnership relationship after 5, 7 or 15 years.
Today we will talk about how to tell whether there is a “commitment” part of your current relationship? What factors affect the Levels of commitment in relationships in the relationship, and how to improve the Levels of commitment in relationships for you and your partner.
01. Are you in a committed relationship?
Roughly speaking, the commitment levels in a relationship are the level of commitment you are willing to invest in and contribute to the relationship.
Psychologists define Levels of commitment in relationships as people’s intention to “desire to continue a relationship.” People who have made a commitment to the relationship will desire to have a relationship from the present to the future. At the same time, making a promise also represents a choice. People who actively choose to stay in the relationship also choose to “give up other possible choices.” Therefore, it can be said that in a relationship with very high Levels of commitment in relationships, both partners will a. have a long-term investment plan for the relationship and b. be loyal to each other. The higher the sense of commitment, the longer the long-term investment plan, the higher the degree of investment, and the higher the loyalty.
So, specifically, what does a committed relationship look like? Psychologists Millder and Perlman (2010) listed several descriptions of “promising relationships.” You can compare the description to see if you are in a relationship with higher Levels of commitment in relationships.
1. In relationships with higher Levels of commitment in relationships, people see themselves and their partners more as a whole
Research has found that when people make a promise and hope to maintain a relationship for a long time, they will have “cognitive interdependence”: their self-definition has changed, and they no longer see themselves as separate individuals, but with themselves and The partner is seen as a larger whole. They will recognize that there is a great overlap between their lives and the lives of their partners.
2. Higher Levels of commitment in relationships will make people have a “positive illusion” of their partner
In a relationship with higher Levels of commitment in relationships, individuals are prone to have a positive illusion of their partners, idealize their partners, and tend to look at their intimacy in an optimistic and positive manner as much as possible. The positive illusion of a partner is manifested in that people think that their partner’s flaws become receptive, and people will be very clear about their partner’s mistakes, but they will forget those faults, or they will reinterpret the partner’s faults, such as thinking of the other person. Just on the spur of the moment and so on. Through the positive illusion of the partner, people can still maintain a positive overall evaluation of the partner when the partner makes a mistake.
3. Higher Levels of commitment in relationships will make us willing to pay more and sacrifice for the relationship
Partners who make promises are more willing to sacrifice for the relationship, and they are willing to make concessions to maintain the relationship. For example, when a partner with a higher Levels of commitment in relationships faces less severe and harsh treatment from their lover, they will have an accommodation phenomenon, will actively control their impulse, and avoid responding to their lover in similar negative ways. Instead, make a constructive response. Adaptation does not mean blind self-torture, it is to help people communicate more effectively in the face of occasional bad tempers from their partners.
4. Higher Levels of commitment in relationships make people not wandering around and looking for other lovers
If the partner finds that an attractive person exists, then the partner may be attracted by the other party and abandon us. However, partners who are willing to make promises will show disregard for alternative choices. They will not be aware of the benefits they might get from the alternative relationship, and will not care about whether there are better alternatives outside the relationship. On the contrary, partners with low Levels of commitment in relationships will pay more attention to other choices they may get with greater curiosity and enthusiasm. For example, in a study, participants were shown some attractive Participants with photos of the opposite sex and lower Levels of commitment in relationships will spend more time in front of these photos.
02. How to maintain and enhance the commitment in the relationship?
1. Different levels of commitment in relationships will have different effects on feelings. Evaluate the Levels of commitment in relationships
Before discussing how to maintain and improve the Levels of commitment in relationships, we must first evaluate the Levels of commitment in relationships to see if there is a need to adjust the Levels of commitment in relationships. First of all, you have to discuss together the degree to which you are willing to invest and contribute to this relationship. For example, are you satisfied with the relationship? Have you conceived and planned for the future recently? Do you feel that your relationship is close and your emotions will be affected by your partner’s emotions?
After the assessment, you may find that there is a difference in the higher Levels of commitment in relationships between you and your partner. It’s very common for partners to be different in their willingness to commit. If the difference is small and you don’t think it has an impact on your relationship, then you can choose to ignore it. Maybe after a period of time, the higher the level of the two The level of commitment in relationships will change again.
However, if you find that the two people are willing to commit to a large difference and interfere with the relationship, then you need to consider some measures to rebalance the higher level of commitment in a relationship between the two.
It should be noted that when the two parties have different levels of commitment, you may feel unfair and think that you have paid more than the other party. But in fact, equality in relationships has never meant equal exchange. Absolute fairness does not exist in feelings. In many relationships, one party will give more than the other, and two people may still be happy.
2. If the counterparty’s Levels of commitment in relationships are too low: reduce one’s own sense of responsibility or increase the counterpart’s Levels of commitment in relationships
a. Consider lowering your Levels of commitment in relationships or expectations
In the process of assessing the higher Levels of commitment in relationships between both parties, you will learn how much your partner is willing to give and invest, as well as the expectations of the relationship. You can compare the level of commitment you are willing to make to see which aspect of the investment makes a difference. For example, if one party wants to work in another place, you will be willing to give up your job to follow, but the other party is unwilling. Then, you can consider whether to reduce investment in this area, such as choosing to maintain your own job opportunities.
b. A way to improve the other’s Levels of commitment in relationships: express your commitment first
Psychologist Weigel (2014) found a way to improve the Levels of commitment in relationships: express one’s Levels of commitment in relationships in daily life. Research has found that the more your partner can feel your commitment to the relationship, the more willing he is to commit to the relationship. You can make the other party aware of your higher Levels of commitment in relationships in the following ways.
I’m Chloe, I am an emotional counselor.