“Active = casual”? Men actually need active women!
1. How to take initiative with a guy-what is the definition of initiative?
Our so-called “proactive” and the secular so-called “inverted posting” are two different things-generally speaking, “active” refers to the exaggerated behavior of girls, such as greeting the man with three meals a day, and going to each other’s home voluntarily Washing, cooking, cleaning, and even going to bed, no matter what the other party does, he will work hard and never give up… etc.
And the “active” we advocate refers to: if you initiate and you have the will, give the other party a signal to let him get close to you. As long as you meet this definition, no matter how small your behavior is, even if you just look at the other person and smile, or ask the other person to help you get a drink, it is considered active.
Why does this count as active? Because the point is not actually who will start the relationship, but the relationship must have someone do something before it can begin, so what you have to do is not to go directly to the other person and say, “Sir, handsome!” It’s to let the other person know that you don’t reject his approach, and you are even happy to see this happening. Even if no one finds out that you take the initiative, it’s okay, as long as the goal of “letting two people start to connect” is achieved. It doesn’t matter who takes the initiative.
But the wonderful thing is that even if people know this concept, they understand that it is not difficult, and often they still can’t do it because there is something in their heart that can’t make it through. How to take initiative with a guy?
2. How to take initiative with a guy-the difference between fantasy and actual operation
If we are walking on the street, we really can’t make sure that every stranger who passes by is unscrupulous, but in the classroom of the course, everyone knows that the teaching assistant is here for their own practice, since this is a known enough In a safe environment, why is there still such a posture? The main reason lies in your perception of yourself-if the person cannot identify with his own value, he will take defense in order to prevent his perceived shortcomings from being attacked. The only difference is whether it is offensive defense or passive protective defense.
3. How to take initiative with a guy-don’t be too in the unexpected world
When we apply this to other parts of the relationship, the whole thing is clear at a glance-because people don’t identify with themselves first, they think that others will do the same. To avoid the other side’s reaction that hurts them, it’s better not to do it, or Cope with these situations in a way that you will not be hurt.
When you think that everyone will talk about your behavior, you are afraid that you will be looked down upon, you are afraid that your initiative will be fruitless, you are worried that you are truly unfeeling… When you have so many, it seems When it is the hostility towards others, it is actually the fear of being “not good enough” to cause you to be kidnapped. Therefore, it is not “outside eyes” that is blocking your ability to act, but your perception of yourself. You won’t know the real answer to “How to take initiative with a guy.”
4.How to take initiative with a guy-please put aside the myth of “active = take the lead”
Why do so many girls always wait for others to take the initiative in their relationships? Because I dare not! Afraid of shame! Afraid of hitting the wall, afraid of being passionate! When we always only think about ourselves in the relationship, constantly fear that our badness will be discovered, and worry that we will be hated, that is to put our sense of security and value before the “relationship between the two sides.” We are afraid that as long as we take the initiative, we will become worthless and the other party will not like ourselves. Therefore, we are stingy to give others a sense of value and are unwilling to make others feel safe, because we believe that security is in the struggle between men and women. Masks are as scarce as the epidemic is raging. As long as the other party has it, the other party has the upper hand. On the contrary, we will fall behind and let others kill.
How to take initiative with a guy? “If the other person feels safe, then I am in danger” is a very absurd idea, but it does exist in many people’s minds, otherwise there would not be so many people who would come and say to me even after entering into a relationship, “I I feel I love each other more, I want him to love me more, or I don’t want to love him so much.”
5. How to take initiative with a guy-A sense of security should be given by yourself
But the sense of security and value is not like oil will be dug out, and there is no way to quantify it. It is something that everyone believes that there is as much as they have. No one can see how much security we have left with a deposit book. We can only increase or decrease the sense of security based on each other’s actions and our feelings about ourselves. Therefore, many people think that as long as they like each other, their own gains and losses will become very heavy, and it is better not to fall into it. But the two are not related at all. This object is only the medium that triggers the fact that your “security sense is unstable”, not the cause. As long as you don’t realize that “insecurity is related to your perception of yourself”, no matter how many people you change, you will not feel safe.
How to feel safe? The easiest way to gain a sense of security in interpersonal relationships is to take the initiative. The more active people are, the more secure they are. Security and initiative are mutually causal. People with a sense of security are relatively active, and the more active they are, the more likely they are to feel secure, because those who can take the initiative have more choices than the recipient.
How to take initiative with a guy? Taking the initiative is not begging for mercy. You must respond to the other party. It is a kind of giving, giving the other party the option of “accepting”. If you don’t give it, then the other party has no choice.
The reason why you take the initiative is not because you definitely want the love of the other person, but because you want a chance to progress in a relationship that may be good, so you give the other person enough security to let the other person choose whether to take action. If the other person doesn’t accept it, then you can stop taking the initiative, or take the initiative to him to be better to others. Even if the other party finally regrets it and ran back to find you, you can decide whether to ignore him.