An avoidant woman with a ponytail is in the dark

How To Get An Avoidant To Chase You? Shoot His Heart

How To Get An Avoidant To Chase You? 

First, you should know what’s avoidant.

Avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) is a Cluster C personality disorder. As the name suggests, the main coping mechanism of those with AvPD is avoidance of feared stimuli.

Those affected display a pattern of severe social anxiety, social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation and rejection, and avoidance of social interaction despite a strong desire for intimacy. 


Avoidants usually have an unpleasant childhood, and they develop defense mechanism to avoid being hurt. As adults, these defense patterns still work, and these defensive behaviors have an impact on intimacy. How to get an avoidant to chase you? This is a question.

Avoidant “escapes intimacy” in the choice of behavior in an intimate relationship, which results in many “evasive strategies / evasive behaviors”.


How to get an avoidant to chase you? At the beginning of the relationship, you will feel that you are not separated from her. If you’re a woman, you even feel “it’s really good that he needs me so much”. As if only you can bring him the feeling he wants. But after a month or two, your partner seems to be a different person. He or she becomes reluctant to express but wants to keep a distance from you. They become cold and unbelievable to you.

In a very short period, their message to you changes from “I want to be with you” to “I want you, but please go away.” This will confuse you and make you unable to understand their behavior.

There are good reasons in the psychological community that it is difficult for avoidant to establish and maintain close relationships with a partner. Because, for them, one of their main goals in a relationship is to avoid intimacy at all costs.


How to get an avoidant to chase you?

When people suffer from intimacy disorder, it means: 

  • They are deeply afraid of intimacy
  • They have a potential fear of being abandoned

For example, intimacy, being understood, showing vulnerability, and sharing thoughts/feelings with lovers make them feel scared. In the idea of “avoiding love”, intimacy with another person is equivalent to being swallowed up by others, and they will feel suffocated and controlled by others. Too close relationships can actually make them feel like they’re losing themselves, and they’re disgusted with that feeling, and even despair (yes, that’s it). Therefore, in a relationship, they pay more attention to ensuring that their partner keeps a distance. Unfortunately, almost all avoidants choose to keep the distance unacceptably. It would be a disaster if avoidant’s lovers were anxious and attached. The latter will frantically try to tie down the avoidant, but the avoidant will desperately want to escape.


How to get an avoidant to chase you? Even if an avoidant is chasing you or you love an avoidant, you won’t have a happy relationship. They will destroy your relationship. If you are an anxious attachment type, give up him quickly, don’t let yourself suffer.

If you insist on chase avoidant, you can keep loving them and keep a distance, so as not to let them be frightened by your love. When you want to get an avoidant to chase you, you just need to use ordinary ways to send out your charm, because the difficulty of falling in love with an avoidant is not how to get an avoidant to chase you“, but “how to maintain your love scientifically”. After all, it’s really hard to be close to them.

How To Get An Avoidant To Chase You

How to get an avoidant to chase you?

But if you like that person, I can give you tips to help you achieve your goals:

1. Be sure not to chase him

How to get an avoidant to chase you? Chasing him is something you will never do. Because they are people who try their best to avoid intimacy. They fear intimacy. 

Whenever they see you trying to push your relationship further, they will use distancing strategies. Moreover, actively pursuing men is also something that women are not recommended to do, as this will put you at a disadvantage.

2. Waiting game

How to get an avoidant to chase you? The most important thing you have to do is WAIT. 

You will often encounter this situation: Yesterday you were chatting happily, but today he suddenly became alienated from you. This makes you very worried, you will want to call him or go to him directly. No, you can’t do this, it will scare him away.
Your only option is to wait. Wait for him to come to you, wait for him to miss you first, wait for him to talk to you, wait for him to take the next step.
You can hang out with your friends or go shopping without thinking about that person. You need to make your schedule full, your life is colorful, he will know that you are not inseparable from him.

3. Stay mysterious

How to get an avoidant to chase you? There is one thing everyone must know: keep 35% of yourself. Maintaining your mystery will make you charming in front of anyone. even if he is an avoidant. Your current problem is “how to get an avoidant to chase you”, so you must keep a sense of mystery.

4. Patience

How to get an avoidant to chase you? You want to advance the relationship with avoidant, please slow down. Pushing your relationship too fast will scare that person. 

Keep your distance and stay gentle. When he hasn’t contacted you for a few days, don’t rush to question him. What you have to do is: continue your life as if he does not influence your life.
It’s important to be patient. Your impatience is not beneficial to your relationship, nor can it solve your “how to get an avoidant to chase you” problem.

5. Give him some space

How to get an avoidant to chase you? They like to be alone, yes. Whenever someone wants to be close to them, their first reaction is to “run away.” They are afraid of any intimacy. Give them some space so that they can feel that they are not overwhelmed. This is very important. Even if your lover is not avoidant, it is worth your attention to them: keep the distance between your lover and give each other enough space.

6. Some people are attracted to you

How to get an avoidant to chase you? If you always meet people who are pursuing you, your charm is infinite, because someone is always attracted to you. Your suitor will increase your value, and your high value will attract the attention of all men, including avoidant. To give men the pleasure of pursuing you, you can use a dating site or dating app: Tinder, Bothlive, LatemeetMatch. They are always useful and can make you feel safe because you don’t have to meet strange men in unfamiliar situations.

Love yourself is the most important thing

How to get an avoidant to chase you? — Keep an objective attitude. My suggestions are: you should keep your independence and don’t rely on other people too much; keep your sense of humor and optimism, and don’t be influenced by the other’s pessimism; keep your tolerance and kindness, and don’t be irritated by them. With my experience and my kindness, what I want to say is: 

please stay away from those who make you miserable, no matter how much you love them.

But if you love an avoidant too much, believe me, this article will help you: How To Love Avoidant? 9 Psychology Tips


You might also be interested in: 7 Obvious Signs He Likes You

Want to try FREE safe online dating / get more dates? Download through Privileged Link and you’ll get more exposure (High exposure can show you to more users)

– About The Writer –

I am Cedric S, a psychologist, and a writer from the other side of the earth. Focus on:

1. Relationship: dating/chatting/breaking up

2. Psychology: relationship/marriage psychology

3. Sex Science

Welcome Or contact me in private on Bothlive.