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How Many Times Can You Fall In Love? 0 OR 100

How many times can you fall in love?

If you are single now and are particularly eager to find your partner, you have been in love before, but these people have not been able to get together with you in the end.


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How Many Times Can You Fall In Love? 0 OR 100

  • How many times can you fall in love?
  • How many times do you fall in love in your lifetime?
  • How many times can a person fall in love?

How many times can you fall in love?
How many times do you have to fall in love to meet true love?

How many times can you fall in love?

If you are single now and are particularly eager to find your partner, you have been in love before, but these people have not been able to get together with you in the end.

Let’s assume that you are over 30 years old, your parents and relatives are quite critical of your singleness, and your friends around are advising you to fall in love quickly. You have also tried blind date software, but you have never met someone who really touches your heart, and you have to get along with strangers again and again, which makes you feel exhausted.

You start to wonder: How many more love affairs will you have to meet before you can meet the “destined”, the “Mr/Miss Right”, and the partner who can spend your life with you? How many times do we fall in love?

If there is a magical app at this time, it can accurately calculate the probability that you and a person are right. You don’t have to endure all the anxiety caused by the unknown, and you don’t need to waste time with the “unsuitable” people. You will let the software do it for you Is this calculation? The story in the fourth episode of the fourth season of Black Mirror recently is about such a software.

How many times can you fall in love?
1. If you can find “True Love” through a software

Amy and Frank are both using the same blind date software, but the software is different in:

You need to experience many loves first, and the objects of each love are assigned by the system. The system will collect your preferences and your feelings when you get along with each other every time you are in love, and finally recommend yours for you. True love object.

When Amy and Frank used the software for the first time, they were arranged to meet with each other. They liked each other but found that they only had 12 hours to spend with each other.

Twelve hours passed in a hurry, and the two said goodbye. After bidding farewell to each other, the system immediately arranged new dates for them, and the two endured torture and torture in the relationship they did not like.

Later, the system miraculously arranged for him and Amy to become partners again, and both of them were very happy about this and discussed that this time, no one looked at how long they could be together.

But one day Frank couldn’t help but sneak a peek at the time that the system had arranged for them: 5 years. Just when he was very happy, the system time became unstable due to his peeking, and finally reduced to only a few days.

At the end of the story, they decided to let the system go to hell, and the two ran away.


The story is reversed. When they ran away, they found that they were actually simulators in the software, and there were thousands of Amy and Frank. In the 1000 such experiments simulated by the system, these Amy and Frank chose to elope with each other 998 times, so their matching rate was 99.8%.

The camera quickly turned to reality. In a small bar, Amy was holding a mobile phone and found that the person whose match rate with her calculated by the system was 99.8% was Frank. Then she looked at a place not far from the bar and saw Frank who was also holding a mobile phone…

 

How many times can you fall in love? Would you like to have such a software in your hands?

How many times can you fall in love?
2. How to calculate “true love”?

To be honest, after watching the episode of Black Mirror, I secretly wondered if there is such a software, would our love be much easier? How many times do people fall in love?

But soon I discovered that such software itself has something that makes me very uneasy. I will use the following to explain the part that makes me uneasy and invite you to explore the phenomenon of “searching for true love” together.

How many times can you fall in love?
(1) Can love really be calculated by data?

Many people say that big data will eventually help us make almost all choices. Listening to songs software will recommend the types of songs we may like based on the songs we have listened to in the past. I have also seen many netizens say that daily pushes know themselves better than themselves.

But can love really be calculated by data?

One hypothesis of the data is:

We will have our likes and dislikes, our emotional patterns, our favorite ways of getting along, etc. And these things can be obtained through a sufficient amount of love relationships with different people.

But the fatal weakness of this assumption is that we are not equal to all our past relationships, our preferences, and even our personality, are constantly changing.

So even if there is software that can simulate our personality, and then use these simulated personalities to fall in love, and we will choose to elope with a person 998 times out of 1,000 experiments, it does not mean that we are in a real, constantly flowing and changing situation. Of two people, the other will be our true love.

How many times can you fall in love?
(2) You always have the freedom to write any number

“If there is a math problem in front of you, it says 1, 2, 3, 4, 5… the number is written down to 101, and there is a space after it for you to fill in the blanks. How much do you want to fill-in?”

“Many people may fill in 102, but who actually made such a rule? We have been looking for rules in these questions since we were young, and then we followed this rule to write the next number. If we write it incorrectly, we can’t score. But there is such a thing in life. Rules?

No, you can write 1000, you can write 55, you can also write 1. Things in the past may indeed have a pattern to follow, but you will always have the freedom to write any number in the next space. “

Maybe I have made some very similar choices in the past, but this does not mean that I will definitely make such choices next time. In each choice, there are countless possibilities for me, and I can choose a different trajectory. , To find another self.

How many times does a person fall in love?

We are constantly flowing, changing, generating, and changing, and we are also constantly creating ourselves in this process. The pairing between data and personality traits actually sees people as rigid, immutable, and solidified individuals. Even if the first 101 numbers follow a trait, we can still choose to fill in a number that has nothing to do with the previous law when the 102nd number is used. The vitality and creativity of life lies here.

We can continue to create new selves, although few people do.

When you know that you have been engaged in accounting for the past ten years does not mean that you have to be an accountant in the next year, you may still habitually continue to be an accountant, even if you do not appreciate or like this job. Even when you have been a counselor for 10 years, and during these 10 years you like to be a counselor, you can still choose to do different things in the 11th year.

Of course, not everyone can tolerate such unknowns. The unknown is exciting on the one hand, and frightening on the other.

When we know that we can choose not to repeat our past preferences, and even our important values can change, endless unknowns are waiting for us.

We don’t know what we will be like next year, we don’t know what we will be in 10 years; if we are single now, we don’t know when and how we will meet our partner, we don’t know how our partner will be What kind of person, we don’t know how long we can be with each other…

But the best part of life is hidden in all these uncertainties.

We create new possibilities at every moment. Those who have never had the opportunity to appear before, and those who we dare not realize before, may be created by us at these moments.

How many times can you fall in love?
3. Can “true love” be “found”?

Once Disney’s fairy tales were all about “happily-ever-after” (happily living together from now on), and now even Disney has begun to stage stories of imperfect families such as “Dream of Dreams”.

Many people say that if Rose and Jack in [Titanic] both walked out alive and formed a family, ten years later, their lives would have become two horrifying lives in the movie [Road to Revolution]. Some couples are in crisis and have anxiety.

I remember that in an online group event, a girl asked: “I want to know everyone who has been married for more than 20 years. How did your marriage last so long?” I remember that most of the responses at the time were: It is not easy, I have experienced many things, and it is not perfect.

As I said above, our thoughts and feelings are constantly changing, we are constantly changing, and our relationships are constantly changing.

In many cases, a relationship that spans several decades is actually quite different. We in these relationships are also very different selves.

How many times can you fall in love?
(1) Create the possibility of becoming “true love” together

Every time I do a consultation, when the client tells me about a relationship with a long history, I will ask her/him to describe to me how the relationship has changed. Many visitors have told me that their relationship has gone through many turning points and many major changes have taken place. They are neither the self they were when they first met each other, nor the self they were in the first few years, nor the self they were in the past five years. They have become another self to some extent, and so has their relationship.

So do we really want to explore whether two people are “appropriate”? Explore whether two people are in “true love” for each other?

I think it is more meaningful than discussing who is more “suitable” for us and who is our “true love”. It is to explore how we can create the possibility of “true love” in “every relationship” with each other.

Yes, yes, we need to create the possibility of becoming “true love” with each other.

When two beautiful people meet, the strong attraction and appreciation of each other only create a possibility, perhaps it is far from being called “true love”.

Because you know that there are too many possibilities for each other, and there are too many changes in the process. If there is no continuous creation and investment in the attraction at the moment, it is likely to become something we don’t like in the future.

How many times can you fall in love?
(2) Two people work together to create a work of art

I prefer to compare love to two people working together to create a work of art:

Two artists who admire each other but are very different come together and want to create a work of art together, but their encounter itself only provides the possibility of creating this work of art.

The encounter itself does not create anything. They are constantly working with each other, putting their efforts into this work of art, constantly enriching it with creative ideas, and even experiencing many times of communicating with each other’s different ideas. Finally, I finished a creation that both people liked very much.

Many people think that when they are together, this artwork will be produced “naturally”, but only they know that every detail of this artwork contains their joint efforts, cooperation, and creation in the whole process.

Every step is unknown to them, and they can only give the soul of this artwork by devoting their passion, ideas, meaning, and experimentation. This work of art is named by the world as “True Love”, but only they know that the secret of true love does not stop at “Meeting”, it is more in each process…


How many times can you fall in love?
4. The relationship is fluid

Many so-called “right people” become “wrong people” in the process of relationships because they forget that relationships are fluid and changing.

For the collaborative creation of a work of art, artists can never stay in a certain place, nor can they copy any previous works of art. Every step of their work is new and requires mutual exploration and cooperation.

When they forget to cooperate, to explore together, and to invest and create together, all this cannot be achieved.

  • So can “true love” be calculated?
  • So can “true love” be found?
  • So how many times can you fall in love?

What do you think?


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— About The Writer —

I am Cedric S, a psychologist, and a writer from the other side of the earth. Focus on:

1. Relationship: dating/chatting/breaking up

2. Psychology: relationship/marriage psychology

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