“Falling in love with someone else when you are married” is a problem that is not easy to rise to the table and be discussed, but it is unavoidable to face. Many people will respond with “should or should not” when discussing this issue:
“You are married, you just can’t like others, you can’t fall in love with others.”
“After getting married, it’s just irresponsible and unresponsible to fall in love with others…”
These words of reproach, to be honest, maybe you and I are all clear, but when the feelings come, the reason is completely out of control, and I just want to walk to the cliff without hesitation. Even if you fell to pieces, you can feel alive.
When using many “shoulds” to examine marriage or love, it often makes us “not in the heart”. When Falling in love with someone else when you are married, the feeling of guilt and the pain of being forced will sometimes make us do Reckless counterattack behavior.
01. Falling in love with someone else when you are married, what should you do?
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We still like others in relationships, sometimes because we want to escape the problems and external pressures in the relationship. If a person is suffering in the original relationship, but there is hardship that cannot be said, the extramarital relationship can be said to be a painful outlet for some people.
At this time, outside of this married life, if there is someone who can listen to me, he may be “idealized”. He thinks he values me very much, agrees with my feelings, and starts to seek “beloved and self” from him. The satisfaction of identification”. And if you have realized that you will fall in love with others to escape some painful problems in your married life, then encourage you to return to those problems, to face and clarify what is the part of your dissatisfaction with this marriage? What is the part that you want to be satisfied?
02. Falling in love with someone else when you are married after, try to communicate with your partner
After you have a clear idea of your own, please take some courage and try to express and discuss it with your partner.
Please also remember: When discussing, pay attention to your tone not to be reduced to accusations, for example: “It’s all because of you…so I…” This sentence pattern is easy to dispute. If you want two people to have a chance to have a good discussion, try to start with “I” and express your feelings and needs without blame:
“I have some ideas, would you like to talk to me?”
“I feel in marriage, sometimes lonely, I really want you to go out with me.”
“I really like the days when we used to go to the movies. Now, I know you are busy at work, but occasionally, do we still have a chance to date?”
If you find that facing your partner, you have a lot of grievances in your heart, and it is difficult to calmly and without defense to express your feelings and needs, then I suggest you consider writing, such as: Email or handwriting Cards and letters. Here, I do not recommend using communication software to communicate. Because the interface of most communication software is to be seen instantly, but it is not suitable for too long content. Using communication software to post too long content will not only be difficult to read, but will give people a sense of oppression, which may compromise our efforts and fail to convey our true feelings and thoughts.
If you find that the two people often conflict with each other and there is no good effect, it is also recommended to consider the assistance of psychological professionals to understand your communication mode. Why is it that you are not “on the right”? Try to understand yourself better Instead of just blaming yourself or others; facing what you really care about, the road ahead may have a chance to be clearer.
In the end, some people say that when you meet someone you love more after you get married, it’s all about desire. Some people say that it is time to meet someone you love more after marriage, because after all, love will not be able to withstand the passing of time. The long-term companionship of the husband and wife loses their freshness, only that they become more and more tired of each other as time goes by. Some people even say that meeting someone you love more after marriage is our marriage lost to reality, because people nowadays are “more than money”, it is very realistic, so if you have a house and a car, you will be successful in your career. People who fall in love with other people again. Whether it is said that our marriage has lost to time, or that our marriage has lost to reality, or that our love has lost to desire. In fact, we have overlooked one of the most important issues in a marriage: the reason why our marriage has problems is that the emotions in the marriage are not satisfied. Because of love or marriage, to put it bluntly, people are an emotional animal. Our love and marriage are based on emotion. There is a reason for Falling in love with someone else when you are married, and you have to find the reason for this.
When our goodwill begins to shift from the person next to our pillow to other members of the opposite sex, sometimes it is not necessarily that we want to pursue the so-called freshness, nor is it because the passing of time makes us tired of our lover and want to escape. The current marriage is not because we actually yearn for the satisfaction that money brings us, but because our deep emotional needs are not met. Falling in love with someone else when you are married, in a sense, marriage is a product based on emotion. Assuming that our emotions are not satisfied in marriage, we are bound to make new choices-perhaps, this is the root of the problems in our marriage! Now that the “root disease” of our marriage has been found, then we will We should prescribe the right medicine to maintain our marriage-we should create more opportunities to communicate with our lover and exchange ideas, so that we can maintain the unity of the three views with our lover in our marriage, and keep our thoughts consistent. Marriage “the old tree sprouts”, let our marriage return to the track of healthy development. For example, improve one’s inner self-cultivation, pay more attention to the hobbies of one’s lover, and take part in it. Only when husbands and wives have common topics and hobbies, and with sufficient emotional communication and exchange, can marriage be able to thrive under the nourishment of this emotion.