Setting boundaries in a relationship Boundaries in a marriage Healthy boundaries in relationships Relationship boundaries list
Boundaries in relationships:
Fromm said, “Opposite to the union of symbiotic organisms is mature love, that is, merging with others under the condition of retaining one’s integrity and independence, that is, under the condition of maintaining one’s individuality.”
In each person’s heart, there are their own psychological distances and spaces, which control our proximity to others, and even couples who are as close as they are in an intimate relationship can not intrude without a bottom line.
You can ask the other party to visit their territory, but absolutely not allow the other party to occupy your territory, and more importantly, not allow him to come to your territory without your consent, violating your space and dignity.
Similarly, you can not allow yourself to do so to others, because everyone’s heart is left with a little bit of the most private psychological space, once the control is violated, there will be no rules bottom line.
Setting boundaries in a relationship: Boundary awareness
Boundaries in relationships: Psychologically, this is called boundary awareness, and unclear boundary awareness is the reason why most people fail in love. Boundary awareness is like putting up a wall between people, it will let you know that everyone is an independent and autonomous individual, have their own thinking exclusive space.
I would like to share with you a case of counseling that I have taken (informed consent was obtained). How a college girl lost her boundaries step by step in love?
A female college student came to the counseling room because her boyfriend was scolding her. After careful questioning, she kept sending messages because she wanted to know what her boyfriend was doing all the time, and once he didn’t reply to her messages, she made a fuss until he replied.
When her boyfriend asked her to break up with her, she cried and begged him not to break up with her, and finally, he was forced to use violent means to force J. to break up with her.
Setting boundaries in a relationship: Separation anxiety
Boundaries in relationships: In my opinion, she has very serious separation anxiety, she lives a very tired life, the sense of boundary in her almost does not exist, she wantonly invade the other party’s personal space and take it for granted, and the other party has posed a threat to her personal safety, but she completely ignored.
There was another detail that I observed before the counseling had even begun, when a friend of the J-college student accompanied her, and when the J-college student wanted to go to the bathroom, she pulled her female friend into the bathroom and asked to join her. When I inadvertently asked about this detail, she was unimpressed and said in a half-joking tone that she would die if no one accompanied her to the toilet.
In fact, the essence of this behavior is the lack of boundary awareness, perhaps the deepest need in the hearts of this category of people is to be tightly integrated with each other, each other and themselves as an individual, but what kind of evil consequences does this behavior actually cause?
Boundaries in relationships: She asks the other party to cross their own boundaries to show intimacy, if the other party is “good”, quietly look at it and leave okay, if the other party is a control freak will come to her territory, her thoughts and self-esteem destroyed, and then set up their own flag on her territory.
Too much domain awareness but no sense of boundaries
Relationship boundaries list: On the other hand, people with too much boundary awareness will not be able to build intimate relationships because they are too separated from each other. They feel that the world revolves around me, and they don’t even understand that other people have their own ideas.
Therefore, they often do not care whether others are busy, always like to trouble others. Or, they will love without boundaries, love to the point of recklessness, because they do not know how to protect their own territory, easy to be intruded by others.
Boundaries in relationships: From a psychological point of view, establishing a sense of boundaries is actually the process of being yourself. You don’t control anyone, and no one else can control you. You know each other is different, but you can still build a sound intimate relationship.
Because you respect each other and admire each other’s differences from yourself, you don’t feel that your differences get in the way of your relationship, but rather that they make each other seem radiant.
How do you develop a sense of boundaries in a relationship?
Relationship boundaries list: Schopenhauer once said, two people in love is like a hedgehog in winter, too close to each other will hurt each other; too far away and will feel too cold. And a proper good distance is very important for our love.
So we are in love, on the one hand we have to maintain our own sense of boundaries, but also respect the sense of boundaries of others, so how to do it?
Relationship boundaries list:
Think of yourself as an independent person, not overly dependent.
Treat the other person as an independent person, respecting and not controlling them.
Get into the habit of controlling and coordinating your sense of boundaries.
I’m Jocelyn, and I hope you will all meet someone who loves you. If you have emotional problems, you can ask me for advice. If you are single, maybe you can meet him/her on Bothlive.