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Am I In Love With My Best Friend? 7 Great Tips

Am I in love with my best friend? The point of view is very clear: Be a friend first, then make a lover.

It sounds like a very safe thing. First, make friends, gain an in-depth understanding, and then sublimate the feelings and turn them into love. This will greatly reduce the probability of love failure.

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Am I In Love With My Best Friend? 7 Great Tips

“I seem to be in love with my good friend, what should I do?”

Am I in love with my best friend?
1. This is a common problem

A question has been asked frequently recently.

Friend A asked me, I seem to have a good impression of a good friend of mine, and I like him, what should I do?

Colleague B asked me, I can’t tell whether I am friendship or love with a friend. How do I distinguish it?

Reader C asked me, can friendship rise to love? What if you get confused?

  • “Am in love with my best?”
  • “I am falling in love with my best friend.”
  • “I am in love with my best friend of the same gender.”
  • “I think I am in love with my best friend.”
  • “I am in love with a friend.”

Am I in love with my best friend? In the end, it seems that many people are not particularly clear about the demarcation point between friendship and love in the process of interacting with others. I also wrote this sentence in a very early article: I think love is the flame that burns after friendship is ignited.

The point of view is very clear: Be a friend first, then make a lover.

It sounds like a very safe thing. First, make friends, gain an in-depth understanding, and then sublimate the feelings and turn them into love. This will greatly reduce the probability of love failure.

But there are two embarrassing situations: the sublimation and increase of feelings, the parties are not in step.

You feel that it is no longer as simple as friendship with that person. Keep him in your heart, but that person is still ignorant, still treating you as a friend, and dare not confess yourself, for fear of being rejected, and in the end, a friend will not be able to do it.

The distinction between love and friendship has always been a very difficult topic. Because the two of them are constantly being processed and messed up, sometimes it seems that there is no way to distinguish them clearly. But if you really want to clarify this issue, you must first clearly understand what is love and what is friendship.

Am I in love with my best friend?
2. The definition of love and friendship

The problem is coming again.

The definition of love and friendship is inherently subjective.

For a thousand people, there are a thousand positioning of love and friendship. Everyone’s feelings are different. Some think that love is vigorous, some think that friendship is companionship, and there is even a lot between the two. Same point.

The overlapping and similar definitions also come from our lives.

A reader asked me a few days ago, what is a lover? Does it really only refer to couples?

I said, not necessarily.

There are many descriptions of “love” in daily life, and the range of lovers is actually very wide. Not only love, but friendship can also use the word “love”.

You may often say: I love my friends, I love everyone. You may have said something similar: I get along with my partner like friends, open and honest. Since there are many similarities between love and friendship, how to distinguish them?

Am I in love with my best friend?
3. The similarities between love and friendship

Let’s first look at the similarities between the two.

Psychologists believe that in maintaining a relationship, whether it is love, friendship, or even family relationships, there are seven aspects in common:

Recognition, acceptance, trust, pleasure, respect, tolerance, and initiative.

These seven points are not difficult to understand.

  • Cognition: The basis of maintaining feelings is mutual understanding. Before intimacy, we must first know the basic knowledge and have a certain degree of cognition to maintain the relationship.
  • Acceptance: Fully accepting the other party is the driving force of emotions. Accepting the strengths and weaknesses are also active and passive, opening up one’s heart, and being accepted by others.
  • Trust: After accepting the other party, you must give enough trust. Too much self-closing and distrust of the other party will make the emotional foundation shaky, and trust is an escalation of acceptance.
  • Respect: Maintaining feelings is not about being tight-fitting, but still having an independent personality, and giving the other person space for themselves, and respect comes from the source of trust and acceptance.
  • Tolerance: The advancement of feelings is bound to have unexpected situations that are different from the previous expectations. Being able to tolerate each other and conduct equal communication and exchanges is an important step in running the relationship.
  • Active: The initiative in a relationship is actually talking about whether you can be good at self-correction and change, actively contribute to the relationship, and finally break-in and enter the stable period of the relationship.

Regardless of love or friendship, these seven aspects actually exist and are the same.

Am I in love with my best friend?
4. The difference between love and friendship

But pay attention. If you want to distinguish between the two, you need to understand that on the basis of satisfying these seven points, love also has three characteristics of love:

  • One, uniqueness.
  • Second, commitment.
  • Three, continuity.

Am I in love with my best friend?
① Uniqueness is possessiveness.

The relationship in love is one-to-one. If you want to fully own this person, your heart will speed up as long as you think of him, and you will even have physical desires. Sexual expression is the best way to distinguish between love and friendship.

You can have many friends, and the best friend will not insist that he can only be good with you alone, but love is not. Its space is extremely narrow and can only accommodate one person.

You can only love me, you can only treat me well, you can only sleep with me, you can only maintain passion for me, I am not you, this is the uniqueness of love.

If you vaguely have these thoughts about your friend, it means that your feelings for him are quietly changing.

Am I in love with my best friend?
② Commitment means determination.

This is the attitude that people often have at the beginning of love. As long as you love someone, regardless of the final outcome, you will immediately commit to the next life to express your determination and love at this moment.

Although the promise in love may seem fragile, sometimes the result is not satisfactory, but the promise is always at the beginning of love, but friendship is not.

You rarely see two friends who have just met, and you say that we should be friends for life and never separate. After many experiences, we can say that we are good friends for life.

If you can easily say something about your eternal promise to your friend, and even take this promise very seriously, then you have to re-examine this friendship.

Am I in love with my best friend?
③ Continuity is companionship.

The most important thing in love is companionship. You need that person to be there at all times, that person needs to care for you and pay for you, and you must always feel his love for you so that you can feel safe.

Companionship is the theme of love, but the theme of friendship is not companionship, but help. There is a saying that a true friend is not by your side all the time, but the hands that stretch out for you when you are in trouble.

If you always want to get along with that person for a long time, feel uncomfortable after two days of not seeing each other, and want to chat with that person all the time and care about all of his daily life, then you have to think about it. This is no longer simple. friendship.

Love and friendship have something in common, but the three distinguishing principles are the exclusive characteristics of love and need to be recognized.

Am I in love with my best friend?
5. “Fourth Type of Feelings”

Let’s solve another problem.

Many people still have a doubt, in a few words: Your relationship goes beyond friendship, but it hasn’t reached the status of a lover.

You care about that person, and you know that you are not a simple friendship with him, and you want to participate more in his life, but you have not reached the point where you like it. At best, you have a good impression. It’s not just friendship, and it doesn’t reach the point of love. How to deal with this grey area in the middle? Similar questions are: Is there a real confidant? In the definition, it is called the “fourth type of feeling”, which is free of friendship, love, and affection.

Note the word: free.

Beyond friendship, before love, and drifting between the two, I think this kind of situation exists. But this state will not last long, because this degree is very difficult to handle. A little further, it will immediately become love and feel that this person possesses the three characteristics of love. If you take a step back, perhaps the situation is more embarrassing, and you are not satisfied with friendship, but you dare not go beyond the thunder pool.

To recognize or get rid of this situation, you need to use the “emotional heuristic principle” in social law.

Am I in love with my best friend?
6. “Principle of emotional temptation”

Am I in love with my best friend?
① Test yourself first

If the other party has an emergency, do you care and take care of you decently like a friend, or rush like a lover, he disappears occasionally for a period of time, do you ask like a friend, or question and suspicion like a lover.

Am I in love with my best friend?
② Test the other party again

After you have an emergency, he is still not lukewarm, but overly caring and intimate. When you are together, whether his eyes and movements have changed differently from before, and the words are ambiguous.

Through emotional temptation, confirm the stage of your emotional state, so as to better understand your relationship, and then proceed to the next step of processing and resolution.

Am I in love with my best friend?
7. Summary

Love and friendship are both emotions in our lives, subjective and biased.

But no matter what kind of emotional mode, you remember, don’t disappoint yourself and the other party and face changes in your feelings with respect and self-love.

Friendship needs equality. You are good to me and I am good to you. You care about me and I care about you. You help me and I also help you. There is communication and peaceful coexistence. You can be my friend, you can also be someone else’s friend, I can be your friend, and I can be someone else’s friend.

Love is biased towards extremes. You must be mine, you can only be mine, and I can only be yours. No one is allowed to intervene. You can only be my lover, and I can only be your lover.

“Am I in love with my best friend?”

Do you understand a little bit?


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— About The Writer —

I am Cedric S, a psychologist, and a writer from the other side of the earth. Focus on:

1. Relationship: dating/chatting/breaking up

2. Psychology: relationship/marriage psychology

3. Sex Science

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