In this world, there has never been a perfect relationship, and all relationships need to be managed carefully. It is possible that if you pay too much for a relationship, you still can’t get what you want, but if you don’t pay, you won’t get what you want. If two people can tolerate each other in a relationship, they may come to the end and be particularly happy.
But in many cases, we can’t do it. We always like to blame, making each other’s feelings become weaker and weaker, and the marriage also has a crisis. When you wake up, you will find that everything is too late, but you will never go back to the past, so that you will always blame the other party? That’s because we know that the people close to us are the ones who will not leave. No matter how big the fire is, there will be no problem.
But you have to know that this is not absolute. If you make a person feel chilled, then the fate of each other may end, and a good relationship will break. In marriage, if you try to talk quickly and blame your partner, it will only make yourself more painful.
01. Accountability vs blame in relationships-a real case
My friend Lily is very depressed recently. She is increasingly annoying her husband and doesn’t want to continue living with him. Although she hasn’t divorced yet, Dong Dong can no longer find the happiness she used to. I asked Lily if her husband had betrayed. Dong Dong said that he hadn’t. She said that both of them had a good grasp of principles. I asked her why she had this idea. Accountability vs blame in relationships is the norm in their lives.
Lily said: “You don’t know, I am useless in his eyes. It seems that everything I do is wrong. If I get caught, then it will definitely be an accusation.”
Lily said a trivial matter, because she was busy with the child going to school, but she was too tired for two days. When she woke up, she found that the child went to school late, so she hurriedly prepared. The husband not only did not have a word of comfort, but also criticized her, asking her not to do this little thing well. The husband said more and more, because she did not speak in front of the child. After sending the children back, the husband still did. I asked lily, do you have a job? Lily said frankly that she had become a housewife after she got married. She thought she would be particularly happy after getting married, but she made a mess of her life.
Why does my husband keep accusing Lily? This is actually very easy to understand. On the one hand, her husband’s temper is really bad and doesn’t consider other people’s feelings at all. On the other hand, Lily is a housewife at home and should do these things well. If she doesn’t do it well, her husband’s heart will be unbalanced. .
After all, my husband did not see the value of Dong Dong as a housewife. He always felt that he would support the family again, but he did not realize that the family was jointly run by the two. I persuaded Lily to go to work, but she didn’t want to go, saying that she didn’t know anything and didn’t know how to face it. When Lily said this, I knew their marriage would not be happy.
In this relationship, Lily has always relied on her man, so how could a man give herself a good face? Accountability vs blame in relationships will happen naturally. Of course, I am not saying that a man has no responsibility. It is wrong for him to accuse his partner like this. This is the biggest killer in a relationship. If you keep accusing him, then even the best tempered person will be upset.
02. Accountability vs blame in relationships is the biggest killer in love
In marriage, we think that the biggest killers are betrayal and domestic violence. In fact, this is just an example, not universal. Between husband and wife, Accountability vs blame in relationships is common.
Because the feelings of accusing each other have completely changed, the two people once loved most may become the most familiar strangers. Many times, we are like this. We obviously have each other in our hearts, but what we do hurts each other. If you encounter a problem, you don’t want it to happen, and the other party naturally doesn’t want it to happen. Just solve the problem when you encounter a problem. It’s boring to blame.
A friend just got his driver’s license, because she was unskilled and bumped into someone else’s car, just a little scratch. When she called her husband, her husband came up and accused her of being careless and stupid. Dead or something. My friend was very sad at the time. Compared with the car crash, the accusation made by my husband made me even more uncomfortable. Finally, she told her husband that she didn’t want him to come, and she wanted to find a way.
Even so, her husband was still reluctant, saying that she couldn’t figure out a way, and the friend was so angry that he cried on the phone. The other party saw his friend crying, thinking it was his own cause, and said embarrassingly:
“It’s all small scratches, or just forget it, don’t cry.”
Only then did my friend realize that he had lost his temper.
Remember, Accountability vs blame in relationships is the biggest killer to destroy relationships. Know at all times that if you want to maintain a good relationship, don’t blame it. Learn to deal with the problem from the other side’s point of view. The best way to get along is.