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Why Do I Miss My Ex So Much? 2 Psychology Facts

“Why do I miss my ex so much?”

Why are we always obsessed with ex?

It is a very normal thing for us to be obsessed with ex, and it is not a strange phenomenon that our old feelings are rekindling.

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Why Do I Miss My Ex So Much? 2 Psychology Facts

  • “Why do I miss my ex so much?”
  • “Why do I miss my ex boyfriend so much?”
  • “Why do I miss my ex girlfriend so much?”

If you dare to look directly at Medusa, you will see that she is not terribly fatal, but smiling beautifully.

——Hélene Cixous

“Why do I miss my ex so much?”

It is a very normal thing for us to be obsessed with ex, and it is not a strange phenomenon that our old feelings are rekindling.

According to sociologists, nearly 30% of cohabiting couples and 20% of married couples have experienced separation and reunion. Not only ordinary people, but even stars are no exception.

Today we will have a chat. Why do we always obsess about ex and always want to repair broken feelings?

“Why do I miss my ex so much?”
1. Break up and activate the addiction center

Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University in the United States, once said: Love is the most addictive thing in the world.

“Why do I miss my ex so much?”

Professor Fisher used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to scan the brains of 15 people who had just broken up, only to find that each person who broke up reacted like the withdrawal symptoms of drug addicts and smokers:

In the first few days to weeks, as long as you think of your lover, several key parts of people’s brains will become excited.

For example, the ventral dorsal midbrain area related to love, the nucleus accumbens, orbital frontal lobe and prefrontal cortex related to craving and addiction, and the insular cortex and anterior cingulate related to pain and sadness.

Therefore, after breaking up, instead of taking back our love, we may love each other more, and even take the initiative to restart the failed relationship. “Why do I miss my ex so much?” Because breaking up activates the addictive center of the brain, it makes it more difficult for us to give up lovers. Only when this “addiction” has completely disappeared, may we be able to forget each other.

“Why do I miss my ex so much?”
2. Chua’s effect

“Why do I miss my ex so much even though I left him?”

In psychology, there is a “Chua’s effect”, also known as the unfinished effect, which means that people will be more impressed with tasks that have not yet been processed than tasks that have been processed.

In other words, any task, as long as an agreement is reached and the plan is to be completed, but it is not completed, the subconscious mind will constantly remind us to complete it.

This kind of prompt will gradually become a kind of motivation, and this kind of motivation will leave us a very deep impression on this event. When the motivation appears, the driving force will follow.

“Why do I miss my ex so much?”

Rene Daly, a professor at the University of Texas, is dedicated to studying the feelings of separation and combination. He said:

The sense of unfinishedness will induce people to crave for the reunion because it is related to our obsession with “completeness”.

For example, the sentence of “Farewell My Concubine” Mileage Dieyi: “It’s a lifetime. One year, one month, one day, one hour is missing, it doesn’t count as a lifetime.” It is his obsession with “completeness”.

“Why am I missing my ex so much?” People often feel sorry for an unfinished thing and never forget it. As long as it is not completed, they will always remember it in their hearts. In other words, the stronger the obsession with integrity, the more eager to reconcile.

If we want to redeem a relationship, the best way is to recreate the relationship after washing the memory, so that the other person feels “even though we broke up, but this is not the real ending”, to awaken his obsession with “completeness”. After all, if the other party thinks that the relationship is completely over, he will happily divert his attention to live his chic life. So the important point here is, don’t be impulsive.

Even if you are no longer in contact at the moment, don’t block each other. We can still be active in the same social circle and let each other feel that there is a connection between us. You can try to show the other person your life, your changes, etc., to awaken some memories of the other person’s past.

“Why do I miss my ex so much?”

Nostalgia and loneliness will prompt people to forgive ex.

Christine Mark, a professor specializing in sexual health research at the University of Kentucky, said: “Loneliness, nostalgia for the past, and feeling lost due to a breakup usually make people want to reunite.”

Therefore, even though the other party was very determined to break up at that time, as long as we can make the other party miss the good moments of the past, they will have the idea of a reunion.

“Why do I miss my ex so much?” We have to select ex in a targeted manner. For those exes who have hurt you or trampled on you, we must resolutely and decisively discard them immediately, and it is best not to miss you for a second.

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— About The Writer —

Cedric S, a psychologist, and a writer from the other side of the earth. Focus on relationship psychology.

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