We just broke up and he’s already online dating. Many girls who encounter such a situation start blaming themselves, believing that it was their own fault that led to their breakup.
From my research and experience with recovery, the mindset of most people who want to get back and get back together is the internal attribution model.
“We just broke up and he’s already online dating”. When faced with a breakup, it is easier to feel that the breakup was their own fault and problem: “I didn’t do a good job and that’s why it led to the breakup”.
And those who are outside the attribution mode of thinking, often feel that as long as the breakup is the other party’s fault, natural also rarely want to restore.
So, yes, for those who want to get back, after we are broken up, the majority of people who want to get back are actually lacking in introspection, reflection and self-punishment.
The natural personality of the person has decided that you are a person who does not lack reflection.
On the contrary, your reflection and pain is actually enough enough, you do not need to take this to force themselves to reflect and self-punishment.
We want to salvage the lack of absolutely not endless self-blame and self-punishment, rather many lost love friends are guilty of over-analysis, resulting in more guilt, regret, and pain for themselves.
And this painful negative emotions, in fact, will not increase the likelihood of your salvation.
On the contrary, it will make you worse, more emotionally unstable, will spend a lot of time every day on self-torture, week after week cycle after cycle, and then a day actually what realistic meaningful salvage action did not do.
So, many opportunities for redemption, it is in your constant self-analysis and pain, in your daily immersion in self-blame and regret, slowly passed away, time and again missed.
Therefore, I often say that the big taboo to get back after a breakup is excessive self-blame.
We just broke up and he’s already online dating. After being broken up there are often two more extreme mindsets.
One is resentful of each other, feel that each other left their other is a bad man.
Another is like the above-mentioned shoulders up, feel that the breakup is the reason for their own.
These two different thinking actually involves different attribution patterns in psychology, internal attribution and external attribution.
People who are inclined to internal attribution will attribute the failure of things to factors in themselves, while people with a tendency to external attribution thinking tend to attribute the failure of things to external causes, such as others, the environment, luck, etc.
Read more: Signs It’s a Temporary Breakup | You Might Get Back With Him
We just broke up and he’s already online dating. First proposed by the German-American psychologist F. Hyde in the 1920s, the idea of attribution had constituted one of the most active areas of research in social psychology from the late 1950s to the 1970s, and several different theories were developed.
Purely from the model of attribution, people with internal attribution tend to be more inclined to reflect on themselves, a positive attribution model, because they will be more strict with themselves, looking for reasons from themselves, of course, it is conducive to growth and progress; while external attribution is more inclined to a mode of avoidance, cover-up, negative immaturity.
So, if after the breakup, you can not just blame each other, but begin to properly reflect and summarize their own shortcomings and shortcomings in the relationship, is actually positive, is beneficial to your growth, of course, for the recovery is also beneficial.
However, it is important to point out that many people with internal attribution tendencies often go to extremes and get caught up in self-blame and remorse, and start over-reviewing.
This is dangerous and wrong.
We just broke up and he’s already online dating. Psychology has done research on negative emotions, and of all the negative emotions, self-blame is the most profound and damaging one.
If you have just broken up at this time, or are ready to get back together, after you read this article, I hope you will re-examine the state you are in right now and whether you are falling into the trap of excessive self-blame.
I’ve listed a few conversations to counteract the negative emotions of being broken up with, which I hope will help you counteract your bad feelings when you’re beating yourself up.
Is the breakup all my fault?
We just broke up and he’s already online dating. Not necessarily, you think about when you first met, you should also be now you, you also have these problems, but he is still like you, pursuing you, willing to be with you, see break up when he mentioned some of the reasons for the breakup may also be an excuse it.
Self-blame is useful?
Now in fact everything is not over yet, he is not dead, he is not married, you still have the opportunity to get back together with him.
Now if you have been letting yourself blame remorse, you may miss a lot of opportunities to let tomorrow continue to regret today’s missed opportunities, so instead of blaming yourself think about strategies to seize the moment and try to get him back, and then make up for him afterwards.
I am not good enough must leave?
We just broke up and he’s already online dating. No one is perfect, two people together should have a minimum sense of responsibility, if you feel slightly less satisfied, or there is a better appear to leave, that the other party is also a problem, right?
If this is the case, then later in life to meet more changes, he will not be ready to leave you? Those loving couples couples, both sides are no problem?