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Love: Dismissive Avoidant After Break Up

Avoidant lovers are a sore point for many people.

Dismissive avoidant after break up: how to let them back?

Especially in the emotional recovery, it really makes people very exhausted.

They seem too difficult to get, like a wall, an iceberg, the attitude towards you is so cold, as if, you have never loved before, as if you are disgusted to the extreme, so that people are frantic and anxious, but also impenetrable.

The avoidant lover is really so difficult to get back? In the end, how to win back the avoidant type of them?



Don’t label! Are you sure he is avoidant?


Dismissive avoidant broke up with me: When many girls come to me for advice, they say, “Teacher, my boyfriend is avoidant! How can I get him back?

However, after analysis, you will often find that the other party is not avoidant, but just behaves a bit like it!

First, let’s explain what avoidant attachment is.

Attachment is the initial social bond between the infant and the primary caregiver (usually the mother) and is an important sign of the infant’s emotional socialization.

Psychologists classify attachment patterns into three types, which are secure, anxious, and avoidant.


Dismissive avoidant after break up Fearful type:

Ø Low anxiety + low avoidance = secure

Ø High anxiety + low avoidance = obsessive/anxious

Ø low anxiety + high avoidance = avoidant / detached

Ø High anxiety + high avoidance = fearful / ambivalent


Secure type:

Dismissive avoidant broke up with me: High sense of security, can establish attachment and intimate relationships with others, can trust others unconditionally, not too worried about being abandoned or cheated, have a stable level of self-esteem, emotionally stable, optimistic and confident, moderate concern for themselves and others.



Dismissive avoidant after break up: Insecure, less likely to trust others unconditionally, worried about being cheated or abandoned, more concerned about personal gains and losses with others, prone to low self-esteem, like to rely on unrealistic promises to get the other party’s affirmation, sensitive and suspicious, strong emotional reactions, like to rely on anger to express dissatisfaction, need to rely on the partner’s contribution to prove that they deserve to be loved, because of the fear of abandonment so repeatedly to confirm being loved, easy to control The partner is easily controlled.



Dismissive avoidant after break up: Insecure, do not easily trust others, high level of defense, strong sense of boundaries, difficult to have sincere friends, like to live alone and deal with problems on their own, easy to form a false intimacy with their partners, low level of self-esteem, easy to self-loathing, emotional instability, often expressed as a loss, negative energy, need a long time to digest emotions, sensitive and suspicious, will prove through the test to be liked by the other party, eager for intimacy and Fear of intimacy, will fall into a love cycle.


Fearful type:

Dismissive avoidant after break up: The least secure type, almost a combination of anxious and avoidant, very ambivalent in attachment.

Read more: Still Using Tinder? 6 Flirt Dating Apps Recommended To You!



What are avoidant lovers thinking about after a breakup?

Dismissive avoidant after break up: The anxious type and the avoidant type seem to be a completely opposite pair, but they are often tortured by each other’s desperate love.

This, I believe many people have experienced: at first, you think he is mature and stable, strong sense of boundaries, clear logic, he thinks you are enthusiastic and lively, bold and spontaneous, independent and self. You are attracted to each other and fall in love.

But not long after, you become anxious, eager for him to give you more security, constantly on the other side of the requirements, picking on each other, until the other side is more and more reluctant to communicate, and the more you want a response, the other side is more and more like hiding.

Then, you formed a “chase a flee” circle, until finally the other party can not stand it, and then separated.


After the breakup, avoidant lovers can often restore the beginning of the rational reasoning, serious expression: we are not suitable, or even will say the painful words: I do not feel for you, I do not love you anymore ……

After the breakup, avoidant lovers in the end how to think about it? Really do not love anymore?

First, too tired, I want to take a break

Dismissive avoidant after break up: Anxious lovers require higher emotional concentration, emotional needs will also be more, all this will be imposed on the body of avoidant lovers, resulting in a relatively low emotional concentration requirements of avoidant lovers exhausted, once tired, they want to return to the independent state of singles, one person is full, the whole family is not hungry, no one will have requirements for themselves, they do not need to bear others stormy emotions and disappointments. Find a space of their own, take a good rest.



Second, too much pain, do not want to love again

Dismissive avoidant after break up: After the breakup, avoidant lovers can temporarily relax, but also feel scarred, because, the relationship did not meet his needs, if the relationship makes him feel happy enough, understanding, he will never break up. Even, they will want to stay away from the crowd and never love again.


Third, I want to find a perfect lover

Dismissive avoidant after break up: Avoidant people have an extreme desire for the perfect lover, because, in general, they are more inferior and conceited, the pursuit of perfection, that only the perfect lover to meet their needs and expectations, they can be happy. Many avoidant breakups are due to the breakdown of the idealization of the original lover (which mostly stems from the fact that the lover is no longer a mystery), leading them to desire to break up and find the next perfect lover.

I’m Jocelyn, and I hope you will all meet someone who loves you. If you have emotional problems, you can ask me for advice. If you are single, maybe you can meet him/her on Bothlive.

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