TOPIC OF THIS ARTICLE:Let him come to you
How to let him come to you after breakup 1. Be steady in mind
People who want to recover, often have a common problem: too anxious, worried about gain and loss, each other’s small behavior can cause your infinite reverie.
This kind of entanglement mentality, it is really difficult to do to recover.
I often say this sentence to people who want to recover: skill is a move, and mentality is an internal skill. Without a good mentality, there is no lethality in simply using skills.
In fact, if you think about it carefully, you can understand that recovery is a long and arduous journey, and it is also the cultivation and completion of personal character.
What you save is not just your ex, but yourself who is worthy of love.
When a couple breaks up, most of them have their own internal contradictions,
It is not an easy process to find the core contradiction, correct the misunderstanding of personality, accept the defects of the other party, complete the self change and obtain the recognition of the other party. It needs a calm attitude and firm attitude.
People with a strong sense of need often fail in the first step.
Many people will make such mistakes and keep sending messages to each other: I really know that I am wrong and I will change it. Please believe me again.
However, this kind of practice can only make the other party hate you more, even avoid it.
He will not believe that you will change this kind of words at all. He will only feel that you are expressing entangled emotions for redemption.
The stronger the sense of need, the lower the credibility of your expression.
So in many recovery cases, I will ask the recovery person to write a “seed letter”:
I understand that our relationship is irreparable for the time being. I accept to break up. I just hope we don’t break up and go back to being friends.
Only in this case will the other person believe that your attitude of being aware of the mistake and wanting to change is sincere.
In psychology, there is a classic graph of motivation intensity and problem solving efficiency.
Let him come to you 01.
Low motivation and low motivation will lead to the decline of execution efficiency, the former is lack of motivation, the latter is unstable.
Only a proper sense of demand can keep the efficiency at a high level.
Let him come to you 02.
The more difficult the task, the more need to maintain a low sense of motivation.
Obviously, recovery is a more difficult task. At this time, the most important thing is to control the sense of demand.
If this can not be done, then the following skills are out of the question.
How to let him come to you after breakup 2. In the stage, the desire to ascend comes first.
As for the differences between men and women after breakup, the reason is that men break up more rationally than girls.
Different from a girl who breaks up after a quarrel or a moment of emotion, when a man proposes or accepts a relationship separation, he actually considers the pros and cons.
In other words, he has enough psychological preparation for breaking up.
Therefore, his mentality will have the following series of changes.
Let him come to you 01.
Just after breaking up, there will be a short-term discomfort and loss of a close relationship.
Let him come to you 02.
About a week after the breakup, you will feel like “getting rid of a bad relationship and getting free again”.
Let him come to you 03.
Between a week and a month after the breakup, he will be ready to move, trying to find a new relationship to get rid of loneliness.
However, it turns out that most men overestimate their charm, and the process of finding a satisfying new lover is often not as good as expected.
[Read more:Will Cancer Man Come Back After Break Up?]
Let him come to you 04.
When we break up for about a month, we will miss the convenience and temperature of the days when we have you, such as when we can’t store clothes, or when no one reminds us of the weather change.
Therefore, girls, if you want your ex to take the initiative to find you, you must give the relationship a cooling off period and wait patiently until the fourth stage.
The reason why many girls fail to recover is that they don’t break up very long, because they are reluctant to give up and become the other party’s spare tire. They not only chat frequently and meet occasionally, but also keep in a state of Pa Pa PA.
This kind of breakup and constant contact will only make the other party have no fear. On the premise of having your spare tire, they will be more patient to find the next partner. Naturally, it is difficult to reach the fourth stage of reluctant state.
I know you are very attached to each other, but if you expect each other to come back, please do something to fill up your time, fitness, reading, travel, or take a certificate,
Anything is OK. As long as you feel you have something to do on hand, you can control your anxiety and avoid going back to him to express your feelings.
How to let him come to you after breakup 3. When disconnected, reconstruct the attraction through the side display
“But if I don’t contact him, our feelings will become weaker and weaker, and finally he completely forgets me. What should I do?”
When I asked to disconnect and control my sense of need, this was the most frequently asked question.
But in fact, disconnection is not the same as waiting to die, or letting you do nothing.
You can still show your life to each other in some ways to arouse their attachment.
The reason why two people can be together is based on the result of mutual attraction. In addition, you have a lot of common memories. There must be something in you that attracts each other.
External sexual attraction (appearance, figure, etc.).
Some common memories and experiences (pets you had together, restaurants you ate together, etc.)
Traits that are recognized and even admired by the other party in love (love reading, good at sorting, good cooking, etc.)
These advantages belong to you, which can be shown to each other again through the circle of friends and other ways.
For example, your cooking skills have been praised by the other party, so publishing your cooking photos to the circle of friends can not only show the advantages, but also trigger memories.
If the other party has pulled you black screen, it does not matter, you can use the circle of friends of common friends, this specific situation specific analysis.
The reason why two people are separated is often based on the incompatibility of some characteristics. If we don’t deal with this, the other person will feel that even if we come back to you, we will make the same mistake again.
Serious personality defects (sensitivity, irritability, emotionality).
Frequent conflicts and quarrels (often not caused by communication).
Lack of independence, clingy, give each other too much emotional pressure.
Cheating makes the other party feel insecure about the relationship.
I’m tired of being alone for too long.
We need to show our change in a targeted way,
Take “lack of independence, too clingy, too oppressive” as an example,
At this time, what we need to do is to show our new life, such as new social circle, new work plan and so on.
Through a previous guide screenshot, you will better understand the role of indirect contact through the circle of friends.
How to let him come to you after breakup 4. Take advantage of loss aversion
Loss aversion means that when people face the same amount of gains and losses, they think the loss is more intolerable. The negative utility of the same amount of loss is 2.5 times of the positive utility of the same amount of income.
The practical application of this psychological utility in recovery is as follows:
First pull and then push, first let the other party see the possibility of your initiative to turn back, and then suddenly alienate, you can cause the other party’s loss aversion, let the other party have a worry about you.
When it comes to step-by-step operation, it should be like this
Let him come to you 01. After breaking up, first disconnect and cool down for 10-15 days (depending on the specific situation). On the one hand, avoid the feeling of entanglement to the other party, on the other hand, rebuild and attract the other party to cause the attachment.
Let him come to you 02. Take the initiative to communicate, express your attachment to feelings, and recall the past, so that the other person feels that you may take the initiative to recover.
Let him come to you 03. Withdraw, alienate the other party, and even do competitive jealousy according to the specific situation, that is to make him aware of other competitors.
Let him come to you 04. The other party is likely to take the initiative to negotiate with you because of loss aversion and explore the possibility of the relationship (provided that your core contradiction is alleviated rather than unchanged).
Finally, summarize some of the core ideas of this article
01. In mind, don’t be too hasty, excessive sense of need will only let the other party pull you black.
02. Understand the other person’s psychological stage to cool the relationship.
03. Through the side show, we can achieve the phased reconstruction to attract and ease the misunderstanding.
04. Make good use of loss aversion and interact with each other rhythmically.
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