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Among the reasons for breaking up, quarreling accounts for one-third, while people who want to get back together after breaking up account for 50%. Why? Because it’s easy to lose control of emotions when quarreling, and it’s easy to make a decision to regret in a rage.
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However, 49% of people make the same mistake at this time, that is to ask for forgiveness and compound immediately after breaking up. But this method is not advisable. If you think about the previous hour when you were still fighting, crying and breaking up, now the two sides want to make up before their emotions are eased, it will only lead to the intensification of contradictions in the name of compounding, resulting in another quarrel and deepening the misunderstanding.
So after a fight, it’s also a skill to get back together. Don’t be affected by your own sad mood. And in many cases, the quarrel is just appearance. When you don’t know whether you break up because of the quarrel or because you want to break up, don’t rush to get back together. Only when you find out the essential cause of the quarrel, can you know whether you want to recover and how to recover.
Let’s analyze several breakup patterns.
How to save your relationship from a breakup? 1、 Breaking up because of a quarrel:
How to save my relationship? 1. Emotional loss due to trivial matters
Two people together will certainly have some friction, it is easy to lose control of emotions. For example, when you go shopping, you don’t get your bag; when you order, you don’t get your favorite food, and so on, which will lead to conflicts and quarrels. If the conflicts are not solved in time, they will lead to quarrels and even breakup.
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However, these are the emotional accumulation caused by out of control communication in the process of getting along. If he doesn’t coax you or even say something to you at this time, then your emotions will explode immediately. In the process of quarrel, if communication is not smooth, it will only increase contradictions. Every word you say will bring new negative emotions. When these emotions continue to accumulate, you will completely lose control.
But when you calm down, you will regret it. Because at that time you were controlled by emotions, he didn’t really do anything wrong, but because of the accumulation of negative emotions. After the end of the fight, your reason has come back, at this time you will only chagrin.
But I don’t suggest that you go to retrieve it immediately, because the person who started the quarrel is you, and it’s your fault. You’ve calmed down now, but he hasn’t. now to retrieve it will only lead to a nail in the coffin.
How to save my relationship? 2. One sided emotional catharsis
What does that mean? For example, a girl with a bad temper always vent all her negative emotions to the boy, but the boy is always in the position of tolerance, but everyone has their own limits. When the boy can’t bear it, he will burst out all his negative emotions.
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How to save your relationship from a breakup? You think he is easy to bully, so you lose your temper and make trouble without fear, and give him all the negative energy. At this time, you are free, and you have no burden. When you see him apologizing and asking for forgiveness, you think: look, you can’t do without it. His vanity was satisfied.
But what about him? Because I love you, I bear all of them in silence, but he is also a normal person and will have emotions. When his negative emotions can not be released in time, it will only destroy the intimate relationship between you and lead to the breakup. This situation will be difficult to recover, you need to give the other party a certain amount of time to calm down, ease his negative emotions, at the same time, you need to cooperate with certain skills and your changes.
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In the relationship between men and women, it is normal to quarrel, but the quarrel should know how to vent and excrete. Secondly, in the process of getting along, we should know how to communicate effectively, understand each other’s psychological needs, and avoid unnecessary quarrels.
How to save my relationship? 3. Emotional catharsis of both sides in running in period
How to save your relationship from a breakup? There is no perfect match between two people in the world, and life will never be as sweet and greasy as the period of hot love. Many people think that after falling in love for a period of time, their boyfriends have changed. In the past, they always wanted to get tired of being with you and follow your advice, but now they have to urge him to do everything again and again, sometimes it’s not even useful. They won’t tolerate your mistakes any more. Why are these? Is it because the boy won’t cherish it anymore? Why do boys have such changes?
Because you didn’t adjust your relationship mode in time after the hot love period. For example, when you see each other five or six times a week in the hot love period, you will feel less, but after the hot love period, the need to stick together all the time is reduced. It’s not that you don’t love each other, but that frequent meeting will disturb each other’s original life and work. Even if they are together, they still have their own life and work Need a certain amount of private space and time, otherwise it will only lead to both sides are very tired.
How to save your relationship from a breakup? This kind of situation breaks up mainly because each other’s performance in love causes the other party to have a sense of gap, so that TA is not willing to tolerate you, lacks communication, and does not timely adjust the mode of getting along with each other, which leads to the declining relationship between the two sides.
There are four key points for you to make up for before you break up
How breaking up saved our relationship? 01. A long-term relationship needs two people to work together, so you can’t just ask for it;
How breaking up saved our relationship? 02. The quality of dating is higher than the frequency of dating;
How breaking up saved our relationship? 03. Even when we are together, we should give each other a certain amount of private space. At the same time, we should fill our own space and increase the sense of mystery, which will make him full of freshness to you all the time;
How breaking up saved our relationship? 04. If you have problems, you must communicate in time. No one is a worm in your stomach. No one can guess what you are thinking.
How breaking up saved our relationship? 4. Different values
If two people have different values, it’s hard to compound, and I don’t recommend it. For example, a person seeking development, a person seeking comfort, some of their ideas in life and work are inconsistent, there will always be quarrels, continue to deny each other, continue to spray black paint to each other to create negative energy, for a long time, only to see each other more unpleasant, how can this situation not break up?
Even if the later recovery is successful, there will be differences again. Of course, if you say I am willing to change my values for her, I will not stop it.
How to save your relationship from a breakup? 2、 A quarrel because you want to break up:
How to save your relationship? Premeditated breakup
If one party is cheating or doesn’t love the other party, when he / she wants to break up, he / she will transfer the fault party to you and want you to break up.
For example, a boy wants to break up with a girl, but he can’t tell you directly. He’s afraid of being entangled with you, and he’s afraid of his guilt. Then he will start to use cold violence against you, don’t return information, don’t answer the phone, play disappear, often pick the girl’s fault, in the long run, the girl will be unable to accept, take the initiative to start a quarrel, at this time is with the boy’s mind, the boy will say that the girl is the initiative to quarrel, and then put forward to break up, think that quarrel break up is your fault, there will be no sense of guilt.
This is not to break up because of a quarrel, but to achieve the purpose of breaking up, deliberately create contradictions, ask for a quarrel, and then break up.
How to save your relationship from a breakup? Here’s a reminder: when your partner is picky about you, he doesn’t love you. Because when he loves you, he will only indulge in your advantages, but when he wants to leave you, he will only find your disadvantages.
All in all, the reasons for the quarrel are all temporary mood fluctuations. What we say in the quarrel is irrational, just to vent the negative emotions at that time. But if you seek to get back together before the other person’s emotions have been released, it will only make matters worse. If one side gets emotional again, there will be a new round of quarrels, increasing the difficulty of compounding.
Then, after the quarrel, let’s look at how to find each other to get back together in addition to the corresponding changes?
How to save your relationship from a breakup? 1、 How long can we get in touch after the fight?
How to save your relationship from a breakup? The fastest is after a day, the slowest is a week. Because there is a time limit for the accumulation and disappearance of emotions, within an hour after a quarrel, emotions will not disappear, but will become more and more angry. But after an hour, as long as there is no new contradiction, the negative emotions will gradually ease. But at this time, it is only relatively relieved, not completely disappeared.
With the growth of time, the mood will continue to decline, about three hours, the mood will dissipate. But at this time, we can’t face up to the problems between you. He still has a negative impression on you. Only after 24 hours, or after a nap, will he begin to examine his problems.
So some boys after a quarrel and you said to be calm, calm is not to break up with you, but want to use time to ease their emotions, so after a quarrel, don’t immediately silly to ask for a compound, your behavior is just a disguised forcing each other to say goodbye. Even some people will take the initiative to break up to threaten each other, the result of the other directly agreed.
His calmness is to give you a chance, and your lack of calmness is the main reason for breaking up.
Why is it that the slowest time for the first contact after a quarrel is seven days? Because a person’s habit period is about 7 days. When you fall in love, you are in an intimate mode. He is used to your existence, but after more than 7 days, the habit gradually fades. When he finds that his life is good without you, it will increase the difficulty of your recovery, and the break-up between you will change from the initial calm to the real break-up.
So the compound rhythm after a quarrel should be one day later, seven days later.
But some people will say it’s been seven days since we broke up. What should I do? Is there no hope? It doesn’t matter, the method mentioned later is still available to you, but the difficulty of recovery will be higher.
How to save your relationship from a breakup? 2、 What should we do in seven days?
How to save your relationship? 01. Don’t cry and cry to get back together
Most of the time, the harder you try to hold on to someone, the more you lose. It’s like holding up a handful of sand with both hands. At this time, there is no loss of sand in our palms. But the tighter we hold our hands, the sand will fall down from between our fingers. When we open our hands again, there is little sand left. It’s the same with our feelings. If you chase and ask for TA, it will cause disgust and want to escape from you. So it’s not how hard you work, it’s the technique that counts to save a person.
How to save your relationship? 02. Wait for him to turn back
After a fight, both of you will have negative emotions. However, if you are cold and indifferent, you will only push the boy out to create a state that you really want to break up with the other party. Then he will also re measure the relationship between you and decide to let go completely. In the end, he will only make himself lose more than gain.
How to save your relationship? 03. Take the initiative to apologize to boys
A lot of quarrels and Breakups are emotional, and there is no problem of principle. At this time, as long as you use a little skill to give a step, you can let the boys come back to admit their mistakes.
For example: a couple quarreled, the girl was sulky at home, waiting for the boy to apologize, but the boy was not willing to come because of his self-esteem. At this time, the girl used a way, she took the initiative to call the boy and said: which shop did we go to eat the delicious food? After the boy told her, the girl asked: do you want to eat? Then the boy readily agreed.
You can see that girls only ask about one thing, but they don’t take the initiative to apologize and get back together, so there is no problem of losing face. But you have to find a detail, the girl did not ask him to eat, she is still pretending to be angry, so when speaking is no emotion.
So the most important thing is to give him time and give him and you an opportunity to apologize.
How to save your relationship from a breakup? 3、 Entering the stage of fake breakup
How to save your relationship? 01. Don’t accept your apology
A fake breakup means you’ve broken up, but you haven’t cut off the intimacy. But at this time has been in the edge of the real break-up, this time if you take the wrong step will become a real break-up, irreparable. This time the most important thing is to control their emotions, do not operate disorderly. Grasp the key points: control emotions, control emotions, control emotions.
At this stage, he won’t pick you up. His heart has tended to break up with the real one, so he won’t agree to your invitation now. But if you don’t meet for a long time, the fake breakup will easily become the real one. At this time, the best way is to use intermediaries to restore contact.
If you have a pet together, you can bask in your pet. If the boy is not scum and has a sense of responsibility, he will reply to your message and go to see your common pet.
Of course, only relying on pets, he won’t be able to get back together with you directly. Our goal is still to attract boys to communicate with you. As long as you don’t expose your own sense of need and let the boy feel that you just let him see the pets, then the boy won’t have a psychological resistance to you.
Our ultimate goal of doing these operations is to meet. If there are any problems, we will talk about them later.
How to save your relationship? 02. Meet to create secondary attraction
This time we are going to use the “proximate effect” in psychology. What is proximate effect? Is to use the last meeting impression to blur the previous impression of you. What was your last impression before? It was a fight. It was full of negative emotions. So we will take this opportunity to dilute his negative impression of you.
You’re going to give him the impression that you’ve changed, both externally and internally. External aspect: wear a beautiful dress, draw a delicate make-up, if the body is not satisfactory, we should also work hard before meeting to give him a bright feeling.
How to save your relationship from a breakup? Internal aspect: you can say that you have recently read a lot of books and movies, absorbed a lot of knowledge, understood a lot of truth, and made him feel that you are different from before, that you have changed from the inside out and become better. The conflict between you is no longer there.
How to save your relationship from a breakup? If you take advantage of this opportunity, then the boy will reconsider the relationship between you. When he finds that the reasons for breaking up no longer exist, he will have the idea to get back together with you. Of course, he may also suspect that all these are illusions, which are all made up by you. Therefore, in order to solidify your good image in his mind, this kind of meeting through intermediary can be more frequent.
So what else do you have besides pets: things you’ve bought together, movies you want to see together, your favorite restaurant .
But if he doesn’t even care about the intermediary, he doesn’t want to see you anymore, which means that the relationship between you has really broken up.
How to save your relationship from a breakup? 4、 Entering the stage of real breakup
This stage shows that the boy has begun to cut off the intimate relationship with you, and even has begun to dislike you. At this time, anything you do will make him tired and deepen his negative impression on you, so the difficulty of recovering this situation can be imagined.
How to save your relationship? Love is composed of passion, intimacy and commitment. Because of his disgust for you, these three elements no longer exist. If you want to recover at this time, you can only use your previous emotional foundation.
How to save your relationship from a breakup? Here I suggest that you can use the technique of “compound letter” to wake up your good memory and eliminate his negative impression on you.
How to save your relationship from a breakup? Secondly, the “compound letter” should be written long, because the longer it is, the more emotional it will be. Secondly, it should be written to make yourself cry. If you can’t move yourself, how can you move others?
Don’t worry that he is so indifferent now and won’t read your letter. You should know that everyone has curiosity, and you have the emotional foundation, so don’t be afraid. And only when you write something can he have a chance to read it. If you don’t write it, he doesn’t even have a chance to read it.
So what does the “compound letter” write? The past between you, the promises between you, the changes you have now, apologizing for your previous behavior, and finally expressing the hope to be friends.
Don’t worry. After reading it, the boy will definitely have mood swings. He will put himself into this letter, experience your feelings again, recall the warmth between you again, and the little things before you will revive at this moment.
How to save your relationship from a breakup? Next, as long as the boys give you a response, no matter what the response is OK, it means that your relationship will soon return to a fake breakup. But don’t be happy too early. Don’t expose your sense of need at this time, or you will scare him away.
How to save your relationship from a breakup? Now you have to go back to the stage of fake breakup. You can use the intermediary to make contact and establish a sense of familiarity. If you can make an appointment with him, Congratulations, it will become a fake breakup. Then you can try your best to make the fake breakup into a compound by using the secondary attraction.
Finally, I wish you all can save the success, come on!
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